Hearthpwn

Quote from Skylarapas >>

Gather 'round the hearth lads! Come! Listen to an old man's story.

Once there was a 10 year old boy, let's call him Douche. Douche was just a normal boy with a normal life. One day, Douche was playing on an alley with his friends. Accidentally he threw the ball on the road. The other little fellas told him to get it back: "Come on Douche. Fetch the ball. It's your fault!". So he went to the road to pick up the ball, when suddenly he saw something unexpected. He saw his mother on the sidewalk, wearing a hot outfit, smoking a ciggarete. He muttered a silent "mum?", but she couldn't hear him. Then, things got even worse. A car stopped in front of his mother. A hand full of cash reached for her. She took the cash and entered the car. She left. Douche stood there speechless. He realised that, his mother was a whore. He turned around, but to his bad surprise all of his friends were there. They laughed at him and mocked him. "Douche's mother is a whore" they said. Douche felt really bad.

 2 years have passed. Douche entered puberty. His friends now starting talking about weiner sizes. They talked about their 13-15cm weiners, some bragged about their 18cm weiners. Douche went back to his home. He measured his own weiner and he found out that it was only 5cm. Poor Douche was hopeless. "I'm never gonna have a normal life" he said. 

2 more years have passed. All of Douche's friends were talking about hot chicks, like all lads their age. Then they asked Douche: "So Bag" Bag was his last name, "who do you think is hotter? Jessica or Amy?". Jessica and Amy were the 2 hottest girls in their classroom. But Douche answered: "None of them". His friends looked him amazed. "Are you gay, or something?" they asked. "I don't know", he replied. They started laughing at him. He left earlier school that day. He went home. His dad was on the couch drinking beer and eating doritos barbeque flavor. "How was your day fatty?". Yes douchebag was fat as well. "Dad, I have something to tell you". His father rolled his head over. "What? Are you hungry? Go cook something already, your mother's working." He didn't know. But Douche went on: "Dad, I think I'm homosexual." His father was infuriated. He angrily stared him for 3 minutes straight. "I hate you. You're not my son. When you're of age, you'll leave this place. Now, up to your room young man. Or should I call you, young lady!" Douche went up to his room crying. He decided to commit suicide.

But, all of a sudden a shiny figure stood upon him. "Don't cry Douche", he said "Your life was miserable, but this misery shall end right now". Douche opened his wet eyes and what he saw was astonishing. This figure was Uren Jesus. Uren Jesus, introduced him to a new world. He showed him Hearthstone. "You were unlucky for a long time Douche" he said "Now, it's payback time!". He showed him a new friend! Jaina! "She will be the shield to all your problems. Here, she can say everything to your enemies and make them angry. She has also some companions. Companions show up!" And from the corner sprung the Unstable Portals, the Flamewakers, the Arcane Missiles, the Spellslingers and every other jolly thing with random in its name. Douche stood there in awe. "All of these can be mine?" he said. "Yes", Uren Jesus replied. "All you have to do is perform to me oral sex 2 times a week and they can all be yours". Douche was happy and jumped around the room. He agreed with Uren Jesus and all these merry little friends were his now. 

There wasn't a player who wasn't infuriated when played against Douche. It was a better life for him. And although his old life was defecating on him every day, he lived luckily ever after.

SO THERE YOU GO! ALL OF THESE PLAYERS WHO PLAY THIS CASINO MAGE, ARE F*ING DOUCHEBAGS THAT LIFE SHITS THEM, THAT ARE GAY, WITH SMALL DICKS, A WHORE MOTHER AND THEY SUCK TWICE A WEEK RNGESUS'S COCK TO HAVE THE BEST E-SPORTALS EVER.

That's it! I blew it off of me!

For more than 20 games everyone has had absolutely perfect draw and rng down to every fucking juggle.  Fuck every hearhstone developer for they are all scum.

Quote from Skylarapas >>

Quote from Tahladnas >>

Quote from Skylarapas >>

Gather 'round the hearth lads! Come! Listen to an old man's story.

Once there was a 10 year old boy, let's call him Douche. Douche was just a normal boy with a normal life. One day, Douche was playing on an alley with his friends. Accidentally he threw the ball on the road. The other little fellas told him to get it back: "Come on Douche. Fetch the ball. It's your fault!". So he went to the road to pick up the ball, when suddenly he saw something unexpected. He saw his mother on the sidewalk, wearing a hot outfit, smoking a ciggarete. He muttered a silent "mum?", but she couldn't hear him. Then, things got even worse. A car stopped in front of his mother. A hand full of cash reached for her. She took the cash and entered the car. She left. Douche stood there speechless. He realised that, his mother was a whore. He turned around, but to his bad surprise all of his friends were there. They laughed at him and mocked him. "Douche's mother is a whore" they said. Douche felt really bad.

 2 years have passed. Douche entered puberty. His friends now starting talking about weiner sizes. They talked about their 13-15cm weiners, some bragged about their 18cm weiners. Douche went back to his home. He measured his own weiner and he found out that it was only 5cm. Poor Douche was hopeless. "I'm never gonna have a normal life" he said. 

2 more years have passed. All of Douche's friends were talking about hot chicks, like all lads their age. Then they asked Douche: "So Bag" Bag was his last name, "who do you think is hotter? Jessica or Amy?". Jessica and Amy were the 2 hottest girls in their classroom. But Douche answered: "None of them". His friends looked him amazed. "Are you gay, or something?" they asked. "I don't know", he replied. They started laughing at him. He left earlier school that day. He went home. His dad was on the couch drinking beer and eating doritos barbeque flavor. "How was your day fatty?". Yes douchebag was fat as well. "Dad, I have something to tell you". His father rolled his head over. "What? Are you hungry? Go cook something already, your mother's working." He didn't know. But Douche went on: "Dad, I think I'm homosexual." His father was infuriated. He angrily stared him for 3 minutes straight. "I hate you. You're not my son. When you're of age, you'll leave this place. Now, up to your room young man. Or should I call you, young lady!" Douche went up to his room crying. He decided to commit suicide.

But, all of a sudden a shiny figure stood upon him. "Don't cry Douche", he said "Your life was miserable, but this misery shall end right now". Douche opened his wet eyes and what he saw was astonishing. This figure was Uren Jesus. Uren Jesus, introduced him to a new world. He showed him Hearthstone. "You were unlucky for a long time Douche" he said "Now, it's payback time!". He showed him a new friend! Jaina! "She will be the shield to all your problems. Here, she can say everything to your enemies and make them angry. She has also some companions. Companions show up!" And from the corner sprung the Unstable Portals, the Flamewakers, the Arcane Missiles, the Spellslingers and every other jolly thing with random in its name. Douche stood there in awe. "All of these can be mine?" he said. "Yes", Uren Jesus replied. "All you have to do is perform to me oral sex 2 times a week and they can all be yours". Douche was happy and jumped around the room. He agreed with Uren Jesus and all these merry little friends were his now. 

There wasn't a player who wasn't infuriated when played against Douche. It was a better life for him. And although his old life was defecating on him every day, he lived luckily ever after.

SO THERE YOU GO! ALL OF THESE PLAYERS WHO PLAY THIS CASINO MAGE, ARE F*ING DOUCHEBAGS THAT LIFE SHITS THEM, THAT ARE GAY, WITH SMALL DICKS, A WHORE MOTHER AND THEY SUCK TWICE A WEEK RNGESUS'S COCK TO HAVE THE BEST E-SPORTALS EVER.

That's it! I blew it off of me!

Nice story. I actually sympathize with this Douche character a lot. In fact i actually find that i can relate to him in most of the cases. I'm glad that he finally found joy in life.

 Yep! That's the joy of these people. Shitting on everyone else's head.

Quote from crimson_s >>

A while back, i faced a mage as CW, he had 10 hp i had 8. Figured he used up all his fireballs, frostbolts, arcane missiles etc, this was pre LOE too so no torch.

We're at turn 8 so pyroblast is out of the question too. No way he could beat me. My grom was ready.

He played unstable portal, and drew... king krush.

My jaw dropped to the ground.

 

Hey I'll just leave this here 

So I finally stabilized a tempo mage's ridiculous mana curve and was armoring up.. and she pulls anubarak from unstable portal wow.. this thing is so op against control warrior. I think I am actually going to run 1 silence now.. this nerubian egg on steroids is so stupid. She gets to collect cards while playing 8-4 every turn that leaves 4/4 behind..

I just want to play a balanced freaking card game.

Is that so freaking hard..?
Hint: It's not.

Thanks for the reply, really appreciate that! :)

So I've been working on this deck for months. I'm really dedicated to this deck. It's served me well overall. With limited deck slots, I find myself deleting and recreating it as weeks go by.

Once again, I can't get anywhere in Hearthstone. (Or any other competitive game. Which is why I'm getting my FOID card next month.) So, I made the deck once again. This time with cards from the latest adventure. I gain 2 ranks very quickly. Everything is great.

Then I face a counter. Then again. Then again. Then again. Eventually it's 5 losses in a row, and there was no way to prevent it. I continued to lose until I lost all of my progress.

Isn't it supposed to be easier to ladder as the month goes on? I'm rank 18, and it looks like I'm staying here for the rest of my life. (However much time I have left.)

How can people say this is easy? All I can do is fail! I've been playing since release! God hates me. That's gotta be it. There's no rational explanation. No change I can make. Nothing within my power. God exists, and he hates me, and there's really no choice to anything we do. God decided my life should be an inescapable hell. There's nothing I can do. Just gotta sit here until I can work up the courage to end it. I'll never be anything. I'll never be good. I'll be alone forever. There's no escape. There's only one way out.

Quote from Loonatic_777 >>

Hey I'll just leave this here 

 

Quote from Loonatic_777 >>

Hey I'll just leave this here 

Face hunter got me down to 8 health, and i slammed Reno on the board. Next turn, he plays a secret (freezing trap) and proceeds to bash face. Never go full retard.

Quote from Raptarius >>

Quote from Loonatic_777 >>

Hey I'll just leave this here 

 Yeah you know it's low rank when people are playing Faceless Manipulator (nothing against low ranks, but you see that card a lot more and the Legends from Adventures too). Faceless Manipulator on the  Malganis from Void Caller I assume? I used to do that filthy trick back when Malganis was released. Either that or it was a Bane of Doom..

Quote from zc0rpn >>

Quote from Raptarius >>

Quote from Loonatic_777 >>

Hey I'll just leave this here 

 Yeah you know it's low rank when people are playing Faceless Manipulator (nothing against low ranks, but you see that card a lot more and the Legends from Adventures too). Faceless Manipulator on the  Malganis from Void Caller I assume? I used to do that filthy trick back when Malganis was released. Either that or it was a Bane of Doom..

 It's quite obvious that it wasn't Faceless....

started the day at Rank 3 with 1 star managed to go to 5 stars and then I had to streak my way to Rank 5 and 2 stars (because I was being thrown Oil Rogue, Freeze Mage, Face Hunters with severely horrible draws... getting all late game cards even if I just mulligan-ed away late-game cards)

ofc, I was really SALTY at that time... since there was a Druid who managed to draw to his last copy of Savage Roar as the last card of his deck (the rest was eaten by Fel Reaver)... a Freeze Mage who managed to draw all the burn even if he had 15 cards left Forgotten Torch and Roaring Torch included... a tempo mage who manages to draw Aviana from Unstable Portal.

then, I managed to streak my way from Rank 5 with 2 stars to Rank 3 with 3 stars some of them lucky, some of them really intense game (full of Reno Warlocks, Control Warriors, Freeze Mages, Tempo Mages... no Secret Pallies...)

Quote from Frostraven >>

I just want to play a balanced freaking card game.

Is that so freaking hard..?
Hint: It's not.

can someone please tell me wahts going on with all these druids? I"ve played 10 druids out of 12 games this morning, this is at rank 1-2 on US ladder every single one of them happens to have perfect cards and draw and combo to kill me at 20-30 HP non stop

legit makes me want to stop playing, it seems like its now -secret paladin + combo / aggro druids

had a fair lead, got 2 highmanes from Tomb Spider with Brann, then this happened...

Playing Arena -> 7HP left ~ 0 cards in hand... my turn, draw Hatter Maddigan ... All 6 of my bombs hit me directly (I have 1 card on field, enemy has two cards) ... enemy turn, plays hatter maddigan.... first bomb hits me for the kill... 5 other bombs kill his other 2 cards...

My hatter ... all bombs directly in my face...

WHY