Hearthpwn

What up, FELLOW CHAMPIONS?

Bobfivepoint0 again, back with yet another LEGEND-WORTHY DECKLIST

I'm sure most of you had no issue hitting legend last season with my previous list and guide, and with the OVERWHELMING POPULARITY of that list, I figured I owed the community another deck, in the name of keeping the meta varied (rather than everyone playing my previous META DOMINATING deck).

In coming up with a new list, I knew I'd have to COMPLETELY RETHINK everything I knew about this game. So I decided to go back to the basics. Which led me to the obvious question...

Q: HOW DO YOU WIN THIS GAME?

A: BIG DUMB DUDES

Which of course, leads to the slightly-less-obvious-by-merit-of-coming-after-the-obvious-question-question...

Q: HOW DO YOU PLAY BIG DUMB DUDES?

A: SHITLOADS OF MANA

Which, of course, leads to the not-really-that-obvious-but-you'll-pretend-it-is-in-order-not-to-look-like-an-idiot-in-front-of-your-friends-even-though-it-is-fairly-unlikely-your-friends-knew-it-anyway-and-are-also-likely-pretending-question...

Q: HOW DO YOU GET SHITLOADS OF MANA?

A: BLATANT HACKING

 

However, as this is NO LONGER an approved method by Blizzards of the Coast, we'll be playing Druid instead. As always, the guide is free, but please consider leaving some unconstrained praise in the comment section.

 

THE CARDS, or; HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BEARD

Innervate: In the quest for Shitloads of mana, this is basically as good as it gets. Enabling sick plays like turn one BRANG BRONGS BOARD, as well as well as giving you access to more than 10 mana in a turn, which is CHEATING. Remember: CHEATING IS THE MOST EFFICIENT WAY TO WIN 

Raven Idol: One of the many weaknesses of playing fair is that you can only run 30 cards in your deck. Raven Idol, another great tool for your inner hacker, allows you to break this rule by giving you access to ALL DRUID SPELLS, ALL DRUID MINIONS, AND ALL NEUTRAL MINIONS. (Real Talk: Literally never pick Minion. Never. I know it may seem like the right idea at the time. Maybe you've had a few drinks to wind down and aren't thinking clearly. Fucking. Don't.)

Sir Finley Mrrgglton: What's this?! I signed up to play this deck to cast BIG DUMB DUDES, but when I use my Hero Power, it turns me into a cat or something? LAME. Thankfully, Dapper Murloc Man is here to let you be whatever class you self identify as. WARLOCK-KIN? HE'S GOT YOUR BACK! Generally, Warlock is the Hero Power you're shooting for, as it will allow you to draw MORE BIG DUMB DUDES. Priest and Warrior are also acceptable. Never hunter though. Hunter is unplayable jank.

Wild Growth: Mo' Mana, Mo' Problems, amiright? NO, I'M NOT, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE ME! Bonus fact: Combos with Chromaggus on turn 10 for max value (this is a good thing).

Wrath: Choice not only destroyed the Matrix, but in this deck it will allow you to DESTROY YOUR OPPONENT as well. Solid turn 2 removal, while also doubling as a pseudo-mortal coil when you're low on cards.

Darnassus Aspirant: RAMP FOR THE RAMP GOD. The best part of this card is its wombo-combocity with BRAD BONES BARK, granting you TWO extra mana crystals and causing you to only lose ONE when it dies!

Mulch: "When you're pickin' up mana left and right, and jammin' big dudes all day and night, you ain't got time to mess around, mulch those threats in tha' motha' fuckin' ground" -Dwanye Johnson (Real Talk: This card is nuts in matches where you manage to get out ahead of your opponent in terms of mana. it deals with literally ever threat while likely giving them one of the dozens of terrible minions in the game. If you aren't seeing many BGH targets, consider dropping it for a 2nd Mulch)

Big Game Hunter: More like Bag... Lame... Haunter... Am I right?

Brann Bronzebeard: While Bring Braids Beer may seem underwhelming in this list at first, the hadfull of interactions it has are very, very strong. More mana, More Monkeys, and more... whatever the hell Lotheb does. It's good shit.

Swipe: Boring Druid Removal is Boring. NEXT!

Elise Starseeker: Oh. OH. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! If I'm being completely honest, this card has changed the way I see this game. It also cured my asthma. It layers an entirely different mini-game on top of whatever deck you were already playing, the payoff of which is beyond satisfying. I can't even joke about this card. I love it so much. In this particular deck, once you hit 10 mana you are able to sit on any unneeded ramp tools and have them become fancy legendaries for the late game. Bless you, Ben Brode.

Piloted Shredder: Damn you Ben Brode. There are 2,731 other 4 drops I'd rather play than this RNG piece of BACKWASH TRASH, but it's SO EFFICIENT that I have to play it. L2CARDGAMES BotC!

Nourish: Need mana? YA GOT MANA! Need cards? YA GOT CARDS! Need hope? YA GOT ME, CHAMP!

Antique Healbot: Another great BROOD BREAKS BAD interaction, does wonders to keep you from dying to the uncaring monster that is Thrall

Loatheb: The best spooky-seaweed-homeless-person in the game, bar none. Twice as spooky with BOOPS BEAT BRAUD.

Sludge Belcher: A great card that gets even better when you play it on turn 3. Another tool for dealing with Thrall (who I hear beats his wife and children).

Emperor Thaurissan: Why just get more mana when you can MAKE YOUR BIG DUMB DUDES CHEAPER? Once again, another card that's great when you can jam it on turn 4 and follow it with a nourish.

Sylvanas Windrunner: Sometimes, your opponent will try and play BIG DUMB DUDES of their own. If this happens, Ol' Sylvy is here to get them for yourself. Remember: Only one player is allowed to have fun in this game. And that player is me YOU!

Ancient of Lore: You may have noticed all the card draw effects. This is because cheating ramping is hard work, and sometimes you need a little boost. Just a little, just this once. You can stop anytime you want. Swear.

Dr. Boom: People on Reddit started calling this guy "Dr. 7" after Mysterious Challenger started getting referred to as "Dr. 6". This is dumb. if you've done this, you are also dumb, and should feel bad. Oh, also he makes double bombs with Brain Barks Bot so that's pretty cool.

Chromaggus: Another of those disgusting when played early cards, ol' Card Dog here will let you turn your Wild Growths and Nourish (as well as any draw effects you get off Raven Idol) into even more cards, breaking all known laws of conservation of mass. Also allows you access to multiple maps of the golden monkey.

Mulligan-igans:

What you want: RAMP

What you don't want: NOT RAMP

What you also dont want: TOO MUCH RAMP

Pretty clear, I think

 

I want to thank everyone that made my last deck such a success, and hope that this deck catches on as well. If you're interested in seeing more of my *cough* frequent *cough* updates, you can go here and follow my profile to see every time I post a new decklist. Or don't. It's not like all of my self-esteem depends on this.

 Want to hang out with other CHAMPIONS? Going to be in the NWGA area on February 27th, 2016? Why not come to our Fireside Gathering! Check us out HERE!