Hearthpwn

[Edit 1: I have replaced Polymorph with Flamestrike due to popular request. Additionally, I've added an Arcane Intellect and an Azure Drake for card draw and meta purposes. The one thing is, however, that I removed the Spider Tanks. The reason I chose the Spider Tanks above the Harvest Golems is that I find that the Harvest Golems are extremely useful in field control and value and also in Mech Synergy, because I always like to play them the turn before I play Goblin Blastmage or Tinkertown Technician because it's almost guaranteed to keep a mech on the field until your next turn.]

[Edit 2: It is now June 26th, 2015. The meta has changed quite a bit. If you scroll down, you will see some minor adjustments to the deck counters, but not much else.]

Ah, MechMages. You've probably already fought against one, and you probably lost. Well, today I'm going to show you a MechMage deck of your very own to climb up those ranks so you can listen to the joyous sound of your opponent taking fireballs to the face over and over again because OH GOD IS THERE NO END TO THE FIREBALLS?!?!

(Note: I am not responsible for any loss of friendships from playing this deck against your friends. They will yell at you. They will hate you. But it will be so, so worth it.)

Now, keep in mind that this deck is not for beginners. It requires the capability to be able to play a synergy deck, and also the maturity not to start laughing maniacally when you play Archmage Antonidas and then play 8 spare parts on the next turn. Also, please keep in mind that this is a rather expensive deck, and needs you to have beaten some of the GVG Hearthstone adventure. Don't worry, there are no Blackrock Mountain cards here. Or if you like those cards then do worry. Whatever, I don't care.

For those of you who aren't rolling in Arcane Dust and also don't have the cards you need, I suppose you don't need to have a Dr. Balance, but... y'know... DR. BALANCE! If you have him in your collection and he's not in every single one of your decks then you're not playing Hearthstone correctly. Dude's great. And is guaranteed to get people to scream at you when you play it.

Now, all exposition and introduction aside, lets get into the actual strategy of the deck. The deck, when used correctly, will get you pretty freaking far, especially if you're one of those level 19 hover players that can't seem to get any further. I used to be like you. Then I lost 0-3 in Arena and got an Archmage Antonidas from the card pack. Archmage. Freaking. Antonidas. As a matter of fact, this deck works just fine without him, too. I've won plenty of games in the preteen ranks without having to have drawn Archmage Bae I mean Antonidas. But here's the basic strategy of it.

Important to note is that a lot of your mechs have the deathrattle, "Add a Spare Part to your hand." or something like that. So, you may be thinking, if you were a hypothetical person who somehow managed to not catch me saying Archmage Antonidas over and over again, "Why would you want so many Spare Parts? They're just one mana mini-buffs. They're not even that useful!" And you would be right. As my friend put it, "They're just Win-More cards. They're only particularly useful if you're already winning." But here is where you are wrong. These Spare Parts are not just 1-mana spells. They are potential fireballs. With Archmage Antonidas, you get up a whole bunch of these in your hand, play the Baemage, I mean Archmage, maybe Finnicky Cloakfield him or something so he doesn't die, and the following turn, you just up and play every single ill-begotten spare part in your hand. Then, Archmage Antonidas does his little thing, and viola- I HAVE 8 FIREBALLS IN MY HAND. YOUR WORLD SHALL BURN.

Of course, you don't need to do the above strategy, so don't panic if you're at turn seven and you don't have Antonidas. This is still an incredibly powerful deck, and the fact is most of the time I simply win before turn seven even gets here. So how do you that? Well, the above giant text of paragraph is just the win condition of the deck. That basically means that if you get those cards, you win. Because Fireball. But in order to play this deck properly, you need to understand it.

First things first. With this deck, the Mechwarper is going to be one of your best friends. The best opening hand is when you go second, and coin into the Mechwarper on your first turn, and follow that up with a now free Clockwork Gnome. The following turn, because you're my hypothetical lucky as fudge player, you also had two Annoy-o-trons in your hand, or like a Mechanical Yeti or something, and you draw into another Mechwarper, so you play your Mechwarper, and enjoy THAT EXTREME VALUE!

[Edit: I once did Turn One Coin Mechwarper + Clockwork Gnome, Turn Two Mechwarper + Double Free Annoy-a-Tron. My opponent conceded.]

This deck also has Frostbolts for elimination purposes, as well as Fireballs for facing with. And, of course, there's Dr. Balanced over here because are you kidding me why would you not have this awesome dude in your deck. Additionally, Emperor Thesaurus is also in our deck, but make sure you don't play him unless you have enough cards in your hand to be viable and/or you know you're going to win so you play him anyways just to rub it in your opponents face. Loatheb is also a pretty good card.

Now, I'm going to move onto different types of decks and how to counter them. Or not counter them, depending.

First and foremost is Warlock. If you're up against a Warlock, feel free to do a dance of celebration and proceed TO FACE THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF IT. If you don't beat him by turn 4 you have failed as a mage.
Just kidding.
There are different types of viable Warlock decks, including Zoolock and Handlock and yeah that's about it.

Zoolocks
Because Zoolock revolves around making efficient trades, make sure he has nothing to trade with. Trade his minions with your Harvest Golems for DAT VALUE, as well as with Piloted Shredders and such. Dr. Balance should destroy this type of deck easily. Additionally, don't face Zoolocks with Frostbolt. You can face Handlocks with Frostbolt. But not Zoolocks, because you're going to regret it later when they pull off some BS combo that gets them a freaking 14/3 with taunt (true story). Additionally, don't expect your Mechwarper to live very long against this deck.

Handlocks
Handlock gets stronger the longer it lives. So don't let it live long. Just face it as fast as possible, hope to God he doesn't have any giants in his starting hand, and if he does hope well try freezing it, you should have enough freeze cards, just long enough for you to win.

Now, we have Rogues. In my previous deck write-up, I stated that Rogues are terrible. However, the meta has changed since. Rogues are no longer terrible. Thankfully, the only really good Rogue type seems to be Mill Rogue, which isn't that painful against a deck as aggro as this. In fact, it might even be a bit fun to play against one of them.

Mill Rogues
Okay, so. The point of a Mill Rogue is to have the play style of a Mill Druid and a Freeze Mage combined, and still somehow manage to be almost as annoying as both of them combined. A Mill Rogue is going to try to get you to run out of cards, and also to burn your cards. They do this by use of the most annoying combos in the game, all of which revolve around one stupid minion: Coldlight-freaking-Oracle. The Coldlight Oracle, for the unfamiliar, is a card with the Battlecry: Both players draw two cards. Now this, by itself, is pretty cool. So we both draw two cards. No big deal. Well, you're wrong. VERY BIG DEAL. Rogues will do anything in their power to play this card, over and over and over and over again, using cards like Gang Up in order ensure that their deck is always a couple cards thicker than yours. They will Shadowstep it. They will Vanish it, along with your minions. They will Ancient Brewmaster it. And they will make you cry. So hard. Additionally, they play stupid things like Dreadknights so that no matter how hard you try YOU CANNOT EVEN TOUCH THEM. You can't do anything except watch. Watch as they slowly, methodically, destroy you. So what are you supposed to do? Thats a very good question.

Then there are Druids. Druids are generally rampers. Otherwise, they're probably one of those stupid Shade Druids. FREAKING. SHADE. DRUIDS.
[Edit: I have not seen a single Shade Druid, in like, forever. I think you don't need to worry about them too much anymore.]

Ramp Druids
This one should be self-explanatory. A Ramp Druid is rushing to the end game. YOU DO NOT LET HIM CROSS THE STARTING LINE. You want to put pressure on it, and just completely face it!
Note: "Face it" is my solution to most decks.

Shade Druids
A Shade Druid is one that plays two Shades of Naxrammus as soon as possible and watches you cry as you find yourself unable to kill them until they both become like 7/7s and the Druid has absolute board control and LAUGHS AS IT MURDERS YOU.

Basically, try to kill it before the Shades get to strong, and the MINUTE THEY ARE UNSTEALTHED YOU ARE TO HIT THEM WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE, IMMEDIATELY.

Moving on to Warriors.
Warriors come in many shapes and sizes. There are Enrage Warriors, and then there are Aggro Warriors. Neither should be too much of a threat. Oh, and now there are Grim Patron Warriors. Ewwww.

Enrage Warriors
Repeat after me. I will not ping the Garrosh Hellscream. I will not ping the Garrosh Hellscream. I will not ping the GaOSH DANG IT WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU. In all seriousness though, try to damage his minions on your turn, and DONT PING ANYTHING. Oh, and don't play Goblin Blastmage while he has minions with Enrage out. Duh.

Aggro Warriors
Face it. Its just down to who is able to do more damage the quickest. And if you live to see turn 7, then you've already won. Although, its better to kill them before the game goes on that long. Just- try to have more damage on your field than they do.

Grim Patron Warriors
KILL THE ARMORSMITH BEFORE IT BREEDS. AND ALSO THE WARSONG COMMANDER. AND ALSO FROTHING BESERKERS. AND THE GRIM PATRONS. JUST- JUST BURN EVERYTHING! Oh, and save Flamestrikes for Grim Patrons, always attack the "Whenever a minion takes damage" minions first, and remember that Frost Bolt is your friend. And try not to die.

Hunters. Hunters. HUNTERS.
Death Hunters
Death Hunters revolve around Deathrattle effects, and secrets. They generally run one Explosive Trap and one Freezing Trap, so when triggering his traps make sure you do it BEFORE you play a minion, and with the lowest/most useless minion you have. Save your Fireballs for some of his bigger minions, and try to maintain a good pacing of board control and aggro for this one.

Face Hunters
Oh dear. Face Huntards. If you see a Face Huntard, threaten it. Just to let the guy know he's a terrible person. These guys are super annoying, but as long as you maintain a good pace and use your mana well, combined with a bit of luck from topdecking, you should be able to beat it. Oh, and Annoy-a-tron. Dear God, Annoy-a-trons. They will shut Face Hunters down so freaking hard its hilarious. Save it for turn 4 or later, maybe turn 3 if you want. Don't play it near the beginning, because a lot of his cards have one health.

Control Huntards
HAHAHAHAHA good luck. Seriously though, if you meet one of these, try not to play your Mechwarper until you feel that its safe. Play your deathrattle minions a bit more easily, so that way if he uses his DUMB STUPID CONTROL HUNTARD SPELLS ON THEM you still get a bit of benefit from their deaths, and now he's wasted a card he could have used on your Mechwarper or something. Seriously, protect your Mechwarper. [Edit: Lol who plays Control Huntard anymore.]

Hybrid Huntards
Hybrid Huntards are just as bad as Face Huntards, except they actually have something that sorta resembles strategy, if you squint at it really closely. Just remember to test for explosive traps, be smart with your timing, and his secrets, and how many minions you have out and whether or not they have more than two health. In general, be careful, and make sure you don't go too controll-y on this guy. This deck tricks you into making trades against his charge minions, which results in his minions getting to attack at least once, while yours just end up going on kamakazes all the damn time. You have a ping for a reason!! And don't be afraid to use Flamestrike when you have to, as nothing he owns has like any health. Again, Annoy-a-trons will be your friend here.

And now, Paladins.

Dragon Paladins
Concede.

And then there are Shamaans.

Shamaans In General
IF YOU SEE A FLAMETONGUE TOTEM YOU KILL IT. Frostbolt is there for a reason. You see a minion with whirlwind, YOU KILL IT. Just- KILL EVERYTHING. If they're anything with a chance for synergization or super-ultra-throw-your-computer-out-the-window buffing, KILL. IT. That is all.

Lets see, so I've covered Druids, Rogues, Warlocks, Hunters, and Warriors, Shamaans. Lets see...

Priest.

Power Priests
Power Priests rely on spell damage to your face. So you need to respond to that. With more spell damage. To their face. And also don't expect your Mechwarper to live very long. Or anything, really. Just try to get the most value out of everything before they die.

Shadow Priests
Well. Shadow Priests aren't too viable right now, so they shouldn't pose a threat. Just go full aggro. #FACEIT

Dragon Priests
Refer to Dragon Paladins, above.

In case you couldn't tell already, I don't have a life, which is why I'm writing this giant thing on a single Hearthstone deck. Please help me.

MAGES!!! If you're against a mage, chances are its one of four things! 1. A Spell Mage 2. A Freeze Mage 3. A Secret Mage 4. A Mech Mage!!

I hate Mages. That's why I play as one.

Spell Mages!
Spell Mages went out a fashion a while ago. The basic idea is to simply deal a bunch of spell damage. The thing about simply dealing a bunch of spell damage is that it doesn't work on anything except Naxrammus bosses. Seriously. No minion on the field? Sweet. FULL FACE IT IS!

A Freeze Mage!
FYI: Freeze Mages are going to be one of the most powerful decks currently. If you see one, wait till turn 5, Loatheb, play a bunch of your cards, wait, and then try to do as much damage as possible there. Make sure to make good use of your pinging, as well as deathrattles and MAKE SURE YOU DON'T HAVE TOO MANY MINIONS OUT AT A TIME. Be efficient, be safe, be testy.

A Secret Mage!
When playing against a Secret Mage, make sure you trigger their Secrets as fast as possible. Always play your lowest cost minion first, attack with your lowest attack minion before anything else, and always play a Spare Part before your Fireballs, just in case that's a Counterspell. As a general rule, anything that says "If you have a Secret at the end of your turn..." must be ELIMINATED IMMEDIATELY. That is all.

A Mech Mage
Mechmage!!!! AHHH!!!!! Don't panic, don't worry! As of the time of this deck being released, I have built it specifically to be a better version of regular Mech Mage decks! Why? BECAUSE THIS IS LEGENDARY MECH MAGE!!! Seriously though, it all comes down to what your card draw luck is at Turn 7, how well you trade, and trade carefully against this monster, and making sure you always have the upper hand. That is crucial. As a general rule: If you deal more minion damage than he does, don't trade. If you have less minion damage than he does, trade. If you can trade one of your low-damage minions for one of his high-damage minions or a mechwarper, DO IT. Oh, and don't forget to ping the Annoy-o-trons. And once you hit Loatheb, Dr. Boom, or Archmage Antonidas, you basically win.

Unless the guy in question has also read this deck list and made his own.

In which case uh good luck I guess?

So, I think that's everything! If you see something that's not in here, then just follow this little saying:
When in doubt, FACE IT.

That is all.

Squeakadoodle, signing out.