Quote from YourPrivateNightmare >>Quote from GerritDeMan >>Quote from YourPrivateNightmare >>Holy fucking shit what an absolute shitshow. I mean, I didn't expect much anymore and they still managed to disappoint.
How do you follow up episode 3 and manage to get even worse?
So we start off by firing Varys because he is the last smart character left in the show and we can't have that. Everyone is surprisingly okay with this.
Then we start the battle with some quick maths:
1 Scorpion vs Drogon = taken out of combat with one hit, taking two shots
about 5 scorpions vs Drogon & rhaegal = instant kill with triple bullseye
ALL THE SCORPIONS vs Drogon = incapable of doing anything
all the previous set up of "the odds are frighteningly even" are thrown out of the window. The entire Night King plot therefore had ABSOLUTELY NO POINT and if you ignored that it happened ABSOLUTELY NOTHING would change.
Drogon has also upgraded his fire breath to a disintegration beam that explodes on impact. There is no explanation. MEanwhile the Dothraki have learned the power of mitosis and multiplied of screen. They still fail to factor into the battle except for one scene.
Arya is determined to killl Cersei despite it being pretty clear that Cersei will not survive anyways. She immediately gets talked out of it by the HOund, who for some reason is really determined to kill his brother. This has nothing to do with his arc. He goes on basically a suicide mission to get revenge, despite him barely even mentioning it before. His entire story was about changing him from a lonely nihilist to someone who actually cares about certain people...but no, Cleganebowl has to happen. It wouldn't make sense if he just followed Arya and 1v1d the mountain to let her follow Cersei or something...nnah he's just gonna do his Mortal Kombat shit, because fuck it, his character has been dead in the books for a long time so it really doesn't matter whether he has an actual consistent characterization or not.
Also, for some reason the Mountain conveniently decides to have some desire to fight his brother despite being a braindead zombie. There is no reason for this other than Cleganebowl. Did they forgot that the Mountain doesn't actually hate his brother? He pushed him into the fire as a kid and is just a dick. He doesn't give a fuck about him otherwise. There's literally no reason why he would abandon his post just for a 1v1.
Dany goes from 0 to insane for no reason at all. There's literally nothing to provoke her. She destroyed all the scorpions and all she has to do is burn down the Red Keep. Instead she decides to do a little Holocaust just because. After all, we only have one episode left and we need a reason for her to die. Also we conveniently never actually cut to her while genociding so we just have to assume she's laughing maniacally, her hair has turned green, she has the words "damaged" tatooted on her forehead and talks about how "all it takes is one bad day"....presumably
we also get to follow some random orphans on their way to their extremely predictable death, because we have to manufacture drama somehow.
Arya has upgraded her Faceless Man game and instead of stealing faces she stole Euron's plot armor. He still had enough to casually swim up to shore and run into Jaime only to attack him for no reason. What is Euron's motivation? Previously it was that he wants power...then it was that he just wants to bang the queen. HIs character is non-existent, but apparently he's still important enough to not just get axed by the dragon.
Jon Snow continues to be useless as usual.For some reason all the Lannister soldiers still want to kill him though. His character at this point can be summed up by "I don't want to"
We no longer like Grey Worm. the Northerners are apparently psychopaths who commit war crimes the instant they have the opportunity too. Nobody tell the writers that the main reason why raping and pillaging happens is because the soldiers basically went through hell and have lost their humanity. these soldiers barely even fought anyone, they steamrolled a few confused soldiers and that's it. There is literally no reason for them to do anything of the sort, but hey, the dickless man with a hatred for helmets threw a sword so I guess it's time to go berserk.
Oh yeah and Tyrion again wanders around battlefields looking concerned
Arya continues to be punished for Killstealing and is rendered useless the entire episode. Instead, the coldblooded, downright inhuman assassin gremlin now becomes the audience stand-in to showcase the horrors of war. As a parting gift from the lord of light for doing such a good job she gets a horse to ride into the sunset. There is no symbolism. It's just ********.
Did I miss anything?
You missed Cersei and Jaime dying in the most anti-climactic way possible, because D&D once again subverted our expectations by having them killed by none other than, wait for it... falling rocks! On top of that Jaime's entire character arc is now completely ruined because he has ended exactly where he started back in season 1 when he was a completely different person. I guess he was scared of having to fuck Brienne for the rest of his life instead of Cersei who was actually good at it?
Other than that, great job, I agree with everything.
I have to admit, I actually liked her ending, partly because no matter how it was set up there wouldn't have been a satisfying death for her. Arya killilng her? Cool, but ultimately boring, Dany roasting her? Same.
I like that in the end it showed Cersei to still be human. I mean, she was basically sure she was going to win (and she would have if not for plot convenience) so having her witness her own downfall and realizing it was kind of poetic.
On the other hand Jaime was completely ruined as a character, but hey, at least we know whoever wrote the prophecy was a dyslexic moron who can't tell the difference between "dies by her brother's hands" and "dies in her brother's arms"
1. Would've been way more satisfying if she'd Tommen'ed out.
2. Ackchyually, valonqar is ancient valiryan for a brick.
3
double health is amazing when combined with Blood Magic
2
nah, the worst is the one that draws to extra cards every turn. Unless you're playing hard combo it just has no upside
1
because BLizzard, don't think too much about it
1
what's not so great is that those combos happen in the first place due to lack of foresight
4
I suppose "Dreadsteeding" is an official term now at this point
I just wish it was because of a much more interesting card instead of Harvest Golem on roids
1
thank god, although I'M kind of sad we have to nerf a really cool card because they felt the need to print some very basic legendary that probably won't even see that much play anyways
was really hoping for Experimenter to eventually become the center piece of some Talanji/Bwonsamdi deck, but I guess I can scratch that now.
On the upside, I get 800 dust back and also they might print some better deathrattles for priest now that they won't have to worry about hard abuse in Priest
3
lmao, Blizzard nerfs Elysiana because it makes games go for too long and the first thing people do is try and find a way to abuse it anyways.
then everyone complains about how boring the game gets
1
not it doesn't at all
taunts don't work because Mass Dispel, Secrets don't work because Chief Inspector, killing doesn't work because Coppertail Imposter, Freezing doesn't work because Silence
Any deck that can't remove a stealthed 4/4 by turn 4 just straight up dies.
2
so youre telling me i should just ACCEPT that my ODd deathrattle Hunter is RUINED???
the time for peaceful protest is over, we shall take this to the streets, VIVA LA REVOLUCION!
4
it's vaguely better thatn HG on its own. 2 1/1 are mildly better than a single 2/1. Magnetic is great asset, but it's not like Replicating Menace is breaking the meta,
The echo will probably rarely come into play. You want this in a tempo deck like Mech Hunter (or some Mech-Zoo variants) soo most of the time you'll just drop it on curve. Might come in handy as a topdeck later in the game.
I just really don't get why they would print this at all. Magnetic is a broken mechanic and the decks that use it already do well