Hearthpwn

Quote from GerritDeMan >>

Quote from YourPrivateNightmare >>

Holy fucking shit what an absolute shitshow. I mean, I didn't expect much anymore and they still managed  to disappoint.

How do you follow up episode 3 and manage to get even worse?

So we start off by firing Varys because he is the last smart character left in the show and we can't have that. Everyone is surprisingly okay with this.

Then we start the battle with some quick maths:

1 Scorpion vs Drogon = taken out of combat with one hit, taking two shots

about 5 scorpions vs Drogon & rhaegal = instant kill with triple bullseye

ALL THE SCORPIONS vs Drogon = incapable of doing anything

all the previous set up of "the odds are frighteningly even" are thrown out of the window. The entire Night King plot therefore had ABSOLUTELY NO POINT and if you ignored that it happened ABSOLUTELY NOTHING would change.

Drogon has also upgraded his fire breath to a disintegration beam that explodes on impact. There is no explanation. MEanwhile the Dothraki have learned the power of mitosis and multiplied of screen. They still fail to factor into the battle except for one scene.

Arya is determined to killl Cersei despite it being pretty clear that Cersei will not survive anyways. She immediately gets talked out of it by the HOund, who for some reason is really determined to kill his brother. This has nothing to do with his arc. He goes on basically a suicide mission to get revenge, despite him barely even mentioning it before. His entire story was about changing him from a lonely nihilist to someone who actually cares about certain people...but no, Cleganebowl has to happen. It wouldn't make sense if he just followed Arya and 1v1d the mountain to let her follow Cersei or something...nnah he's just gonna do his Mortal Kombat shit, because fuck it, his character has been dead in the books for a long time so it really doesn't matter whether he has an actual consistent characterization or not.

Also, for some reason the Mountain conveniently decides to have some desire to fight his brother despite being a braindead zombie. There is no reason for this other than Cleganebowl. Did they forgot that the Mountain doesn't actually hate his brother? He pushed him into the fire as a kid and is just a dick. He doesn't give a fuck about him otherwise. There's literally no reason why he would abandon his post just for a 1v1.

Dany goes from 0 to insane for no reason at all. There's literally nothing to provoke her. She destroyed all the scorpions and all she has to do is burn down the Red Keep. Instead she decides to do a little Holocaust just because. After all, we only have one episode left and we need a reason for her to die. Also we conveniently never actually cut to her while genociding so we just have to assume she's laughing maniacally, her hair has turned green, she has the words "damaged" tatooted on her forehead and talks about how "all it takes is one bad day"....presumably

we also get to follow some random orphans on their way to their extremely predictable death, because we have to manufacture drama somehow.

Arya has upgraded her Faceless Man game and instead of stealing faces she stole Euron's plot armor. He still had enough to casually swim up to shore and run into Jaime only to attack him for no reason. What is Euron's motivation? Previously it was that he wants power...then it was that he just wants to bang the queen. HIs character is non-existent, but apparently he's still important enough to not just get axed by the dragon.

Jon Snow continues to be useless as usual.For some reason all the Lannister soldiers still want to kill him though. His character at this point can be summed up by "I don't want to"

We no longer like Grey Worm. the Northerners are apparently psychopaths who commit war crimes the instant they have the opportunity too. Nobody tell the writers that the main reason why raping and pillaging happens is because the soldiers basically went through hell and have lost their humanity. these soldiers barely even fought anyone, they steamrolled a few confused soldiers and that's it. There is literally no reason for them to do anything of the sort, but hey, the dickless man with a hatred for helmets threw a sword so I guess it's time to go berserk.

Oh yeah and Tyrion again wanders around battlefields looking concerned

Arya continues to be punished for Killstealing and is rendered useless the entire episode. Instead, the coldblooded, downright inhuman assassin gremlin now becomes the audience stand-in to showcase the horrors of war. As a parting gift from the lord of light for doing such a good job she gets a horse to ride into the sunset. There is no symbolism. It's just ********.

Did I miss anything?

 

 

 You missed Cersei and Jaime dying in the most anti-climactic way possible, because D&D once again subverted our expectations by having them killed by none other than, wait for it... falling rocks! On top of that Jaime's entire character arc is now completely ruined because he has ended exactly where he started back in season 1 when he was a completely different person. I guess he was scared of having to fuck Brienne for the rest of his life instead of Cersei who was actually good at it?

Other than that, great job, I agree with everything.

 I have to admit, I actually liked her ending, partly because no matter how it was set up there wouldn't have been a satisfying death for her. Arya killilng her? Cool, but ultimately boring, Dany roasting her? Same.

I like that in the end it showed Cersei to still be human. I mean, she was basically sure she was going to win (and she would have if not for plot convenience) so having her witness her own downfall and realizing it was kind of poetic.

On the other hand Jaime was completely ruined as a character, but hey, at least we know whoever wrote the prophecy was a dyslexic moron who can't tell the difference between "dies by her brother's hands" and "dies in her brother's arms"

Quote from Shadowrisen >>

Go easy Nightmare, I'm trying to get in what I hope is just an amusing anecdote without the thread being shut down.

 

But yes, exactly that Chuck Wendig.

 wouldn't worry about it, I don't think the mods really care about how much we shittalk here.

Also, imagine watching this trainwreck of an episode, thinking about it, and then coming to the conclusion: "the problem with this is how the women are portrayed"

Quote from ShadowsOfSense >>

Quote from Sebzero >>

 What you said about Dany is true at the same time it isn't. The rule in the show is that Targaryans are nutcases. Dany lost her mind because she has the Targaryan gen. She was a time bomb, wich exploded this episode.

 As an aside, what a shit message this is. "You'll never be able to be a better person because you're destined to be crazy", fuck off with that nonsense. Fun that Jon gets to completely avoid any hint of madness and just gets to fail his way through life.

 that'S probably because Jon is at this point completely impotent and unable to do anything of value.

Jon "I don't want to" Snow

Quote from Kaladin >>

Quote from GetchX >>

Quote from Kaladin >>

........you've never seen someone suddenly snap and lose their shit in real life?  At a certain point, you no longer can keep it together and all the emotions you've been trying to calm all come back to the surface and you stop being rational.  I don't know why it's so hard to believe, since that's how it actually works.  

Right, but they still follow some semblance of logic.  She snapped, we get it, yet her "emotions she's been trying to calm" were against Cersei, not millions of innocents.  If she snapped, she would have gone straight to Cersei and the red keep and burned it down.  She's been trying to save the masses all 7 seasons, and you're saying she snapped and decided, I'm going to spend 30 minutes burning this city down in a rage and kill everyone I've tried to protect, meanwhile my true enemy just sits up in a tower right there and I'll ignore her?

Also, let's not forget she "snapped" right at the point she f'ing won.  The city bells were ringing in surrender, she won, this would NOT be the time she would snap.  If she was to snap, it'd be after Mellesendai or the dragon died, not when she won what she spent her whole life trying to achieve.

It's dumb, and just a gimmick so they can have Jon kill Dany at the end (there's absolutely no other resolution for the series at this point), and then say "see, GoT was never predictable to the end!" even though all the other shocking moments were actually, you know, seamless and in character for everyone involved, and helped /push/ the narrative instead of flip it on its head.

 I get the impression you've never experienced this anger yourself.  It's not logical.  

 in which Kaladin reveals himself to be a deranged psychopath who will burn down schools if he stubs his toe

Did I miss anything?

Quote from Essavias >>

Meanwhile, back in Essos:

 

 when all the CGI budget got burned for dragons so you don't have to fight for your life in some incest-riddled shithole

I actually like that they waited this long for the adventure to come out because it actually gives you time to save up gold.

Blyatiful

4/9 classes are Rogues....feels just like ladder

This thread is funny.

Da Undertaker + this? 

get it? cuz she’s a brewmaster. ha.

Ya she had a hot bod compared to this hag.

underbelly fence is not a nice name looks like an alternate to pubic hair Kappa

A fucking child, because I am nothing.

Imagine getting this as an option from Discover mechanics or Deck of Wonders or Babbling book or other mechanics that put a random mage spell in your hand in your BSM or freeze mage for example - you will get a nice warm, fuzzy feeling inside of you for all of this "subtle power". 

Geil! Oachkatzl!

ok hunters. You don't need Candleshot + Flanking Strike to kill Hench-Clan Thug at turn 4.