'Like an Escape Hatch, but you don't want to know where it takes you.'
'For The Light!'
A random card will be picked from your deck. In order to play it, you need to pay the card's mana cost, plus other factors like having a target to cast a buff on, space on the board for another minion, not already having a copy of that secret already in play, and so on. If you fail to meet all these conditions, the card is removed from your deck without having any effect. Either way, the process repeats a second time.
Not actually Fun Fact: For Contest 21, I spent several days playing with card text that formed a Haiku, but I couldn't come up with anything that was also balanced on a 5-mana 7/5. That's why I'm not even going to start trying to come up with a card in Iambic Pentameter.
I feel obligated to return for the grand finale, so here goes: The prompt's got a little leeway, but I think this might be pushing it too far. It's a flexible card you could play to discourage Warlocks and weapon users or in some weird masochistic mill deck, but for the purpose of this contest, you'd play it, then follow up with a bunch of draw effects to take fatigue damage, which in turn makes your opponent take even more fatigue damage until they die (and they'd better die, because otherwise the effect's gonna boomerang on you).