Hearthpwn

Top 10 Hearthstone Cards
Based on Real, Famous Celebrities

Have you ever thought to yourself, "Damn, this Hearthstone card really looks like somebody I know. But I wonder who?". Well wonder no more, folks, because we have the definitive list right here of all the Hearthstone cards based on real-life people. Don't see someone here you thought would be? Then you're wrong.

#10 – Wailing Soul

Hands up who remembers this card? The original Silence Priest supporter, this Naxxramas card saw little play outside of Arena on account of the fact that it sucks. And now you can't even play it in Arena, either!

But who is it based on?

Britney Spears! That’s right, this Queen of Pop gets her very own Hearthstone card. The inspiration is obvious, her fantastic wailing vocals silencing audiences the world over.

#9 – Feign Death

Deathrattle Hunter never really got off the ground – much like our crafty faux corpse here. Perhaps the Wild meta in Un’Goro will see this card played more? That is, if anyone can remember how to play Hunter.

But who is it based on?

Lord Timothy Dexter! Wikipedia tells me that this crafty bugger faked his own death to see how people would react – apparently his wife didn’t grieve enough, so he caned her. Anyway, he was on a list of people who faked their deaths, so he’s probably famous enough, right?

#8 – King of Beasts

The King of Beasts. You’ll often see people talk about the legendary level lion that Hunters have access to, and while I don’t personally see it, I guess this is who they’re talking about.

But who is it based on?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I don't have time to source images for you, Scott, find your own damn painting.]

That one painting that got really badly messed up when someone tried to restore it. You know the one, it was all over the news back when we still had time for stupid news amidst the dystopia. I’m sure we can get a picture of it or something, I’ll ask. I think the Editor likes me, he'll definitely do it.

#7 – Tortollan Shellraiser

One of the best cards in the game, instantly recognisable as being part of the elite Turtle group of cards that dominate the meta. People fear this card – some people just concede when it’s dropped. I know I've faced plenty of terrifying Turtles in my time, but nothing compares to this absolute monster here.

But who is it based on?

Karen, out of the Safeway ads. Sweet little woman, promoting their pastries. Or at least, that was her starting gig. She appeared in 37 Safeway advertisements over her illustrious career, which also included being an extra in Inception and a hand double for Kristen Stewart. I don’t know if her name is actually Karen, though, that’s just what her name tag said.

 #6 – ENTRY NO. SIX

 I’LL THINK OF SOMETHING FOR THIS BIT LATER, GOING OUT FOR LUNCH.

#5 – Professor Sycamore

A staple in Discolock, this unique spell offers massive discard potential and hand refilling all in one card. Inexperienced players beware, however – make sure you don’t have a Malchezaar's Imp out when you play this, or you may find yourself with less deck than you wanted.

But who is it based on?

Nobody's quite sure, but some great theories have been put forward. One suggestion is that it’s based on the famous Kanto researcher Professor Oak – though this character is clearly younger than Oak. Another posits that it must be Unova’s Professor Juniper, who while female, is of the right age and attractiveness.

#4 – Reno Jackson

The man who got a deck type named after him, this fictional treasure hunter seems almost more famous than anyone on our list, and for good reason – self-described as ‘intellect, millionaire, douchebag and uhh… what’s a different word for philanthropist?’ this man has it all.

But who is it based on?

Harrison Jones! The original adventurer, Harrison Jones has gone on a wide variety of insane trips around the globe, amassing amazing treasures and stories enough to fill at least three good movies and one bad one. The clear inspiration for Reno – Jackson and Jones even start with the same letter!

#3 – Medivh, the Guardian

This powerful wizard is capable of summoning the mightiest creatures, or the tiniest Wisps, depending on how badly you misplay. Popular in spell-heavy control decks, this card is unfortunately caught in the crossfire of a meta where weapon destruction is valued. I want to say that Un'Goro should help him out, but I can think of one card that's oozeactly not what he wants to see.

But who is it based on?

Ben Foster. Hear me out on this one, because I know it sounds insane, but I am convinced that Ben Foster is actually Medivh. I watched this great documentary on Azerothian history, and couldn’t help but notice that Medivh bore a striking resemblance to him. What does this mean? Who knows? Certainly not me, I'm certainly not suggesting some sort of global conspiracy.

#2 – Blizzard

An alright board clear or stalling card from Mage, this comes down when you want to stave off death for another turn with another freeze effect, or when you intend to combo it with Doomsayer for a hilarious February earnings report full board clear.

But who is it based on?

Ubisoft. Delaying things, an ‘alright’ impact and staving off death with another exact copy of something you already have? Sounds like Ubisoft!

#1 – Armored Warhorse

An interesting early example of conditional Charge, I suppose it worked for what it wanted to do, in that it was a card with Charge that wasn’t horribly broken. It isn’t exactly good though, either. Ah well, win some you lose some.

But who is it based on?

Sarah Jessica Parker. Is that still a funny joke? Can I get someone to check that, I haven’t told a joke since 2010. Ah screw it, just publish the damn thing, I need a nap after that card reveal stream.