Hearthpwn

Purify, duh

A recent interview with blizzard has revealed the insight and direction Ben Brode and the rest of Team 5 hopes to take with Hearthstone's newest adventure: One Night in Karazhan.

Interviewer: So Ben Brode, what can you tell us about this adventure?

Ben Brode: Well, we here at Blizzard have always been firm believers that it's not the cards that matter, but the fun you can in the adventure itself. In order to show that, we've decided to make the cards so bad that the only thing the players can enjoy is defeating the bosses. This way, players can have a fun time killing bad guys instead of worrying about which class will come out on top.

I: What exactly are the bosses like?

BB: Originally, we were going to have a boss that had a control priest archetype deck, but after deciding that it was far too easy to beat, we changed it to [redacted].

I: So can you tell us any other details about this expansion?

BB: *Laughs* No, if we say any more, the entire fanbase will likely kick and scream because the adventure is "a waste of money." Like they've never wasted money on hearthstone before.

I: Okay, well, it's no secret that priest is the weakest hero in the meta right now, any comments on that?

BB: Well, I'm sure everyone remembers how shitty Shaman was last year. We released TGT in hopes that the incredibly hyped up cards would breathe new life into Shaman. Unfortunately, Shaman was just too bad. Even repeatedly chanting "I do believe in shamans" didn't work. In fact, Shaman was so bad it took a damn 4 mana 7/7 to make the class any good. A 4 mana 7/7! Boy was that a shit storm. In the end, we decided that no matter how bad a class was, we shouldn't bother fixing it since it will just fuck more things up than it fixed.

I: That may be true, but isn't there only so far in the garbage you can push a card? I'm talking about Purify of course. Couldn't that card have been a little better?

BB: Ok so here's the story. My best friend (who is not affiliated with Blizzard entertainment in any way, shape or form) bet me 100 bucks that I couldn't make a card worse than convert. Boy did I show him.

I: What did you spend the $100 on?

BB: Strippers and beer. Man you should have seen them; they were hotter than Master of Ceremonies.

I: But what does this mean for Priest in the future?

BB: You know, Priest is so bad right now, we might as well just scrap the class and release something cooler, like Demon Hunter or Death knight.

I: But what about all of the Competitive priest players?

BB: They're just getting what they deserve. Remember when priest was a top tier class? Well I do, and let me tell you, it was absolutely no fun to watch other people play against them. We're talking about 20 minute games. Who has time for that?

I: You said that you "watched other people play against them?" Don't you mean watching Team 5 play against them?

BB: *Laughs* Isn't it apparent right now? After the whole fuck up with the joust mechanic and the almost infinite list of over-nerfs, I thought everyone realized that Team 5 doesn't actually play this game. You think we would make Warsong commander that bad, or wait 6 months before nerfing undertaker if we actually played this game?

I: Well, best of luck with the Future of Hearthstone Ben. I see a very bright future ahead of you.

BB: Of course it's bright. With all the shiny cash players are throwing at us, how could it not be bright?

Shoot, you're right, I completely forgot about Boogeymonster. I don't think cursed blade is that bad (it's decent in arena), but yeah, there was no excuse for Boogeymonster, I'll have to add it.

Quote from ticandtac >>

Poisoned blade isn't poorly designed at all. It's just overcosted by 3 mana. At 1 mana it would be a very cool card.

Majordomo is tons of fun, has some synergy with mage and stuff, really cool cards, you should get out of your competitive bubble sometimes.

Tentacle for arms is the same as poisoned blade, very interesting card but way overcosted. (3 mana would be good)

So I vote purify, because it's bad and stupid beyond the mana cost. But it's still an intersting effect on paper.

 

There are many cards more poorly designed than any card in you list. I mean 4 mana 7/7 dude, why is this not in the thread ? Flamewreathed Faceless is the embodiment of poor design.

After looking at all the trash tools priest got in the new adventure, I was wondering if Purify is indeed considered worst than previous cards. This poll is designed to designate the most stupidly designed card in hearthstone. The following four cards have all been described as "Useless, idiotic, and incredibly disappointing".

Now I understand that there are other awful cards out there, but these cards are the ones that make you wonder if Team 5 has actually played this game. Here are the major reasons why these cards are listed and not others...

Poisoned Blade: It takes 8 mana and 3 turns to make this card as good as hero power + deadly poison. Has long been considered the worst of the worst. Never seen play

Purify: Newly announced card for priest. Priest is already in a bad spot (worse than last year's shaman) and this card takes the cake. Has led to the creation of at least 2 petitions that request for the removal of this card (one petition even wants team 5 fired over this card). Also it's a two mana card that screws over your own minions 90% of the time for 1 card. RIP Priest 2016

Majordomo Executus: A minion that quite literally makes you lose the game almost instantly. This card is so bad that you put this in your deck in hopes that your opponent's Sylvanas steals it thereby winning you the game. Several decks have been tried, almost none have worked.

Tentacles for Arms: 5 mana 2/2 weapon. 'Nuff said.

Mountain Giant isn't the only thing that's hard...

Quote from hollard2108 >>

There is no way I hell blizzard would create a card like that and even if they did it would be a not existence card in the game. Would rather have a recombobulator and get a decent card then a possible tiny fin 

Ok thanks for telling me. I'll attach the potential card here. Sorry about that

 Could this be a new card for the Shaman class?

I really like how the post did not discuss any of the real problems of HS such as balance issues (shaman, hunter, Dr. 6, etc.) and the stupidity of their nerf decisions (warsong commander, gagetzan auctioneer, buzzard). Anyone who plays this game and actually enjoys it obviously does not give one shit about the RNG. The post also did not mention the failure of the last expansion and the joust mechanic. Honestly, if you’re going to complain about a game, make sure you complain about the right stuff.

Can we just talk about Warsong Commander? I mean who the hell decided that nerf was a good idea? You know what, while I'm talking about nerfs, let's also discuss Gadgetzan Auctioneer and Leeroy Jenkins as well as Starving Buzzard. Yes those nerfs were necessary, but Bliz didn't have to destroy the card. They could have made GA a 5/5 that costed 6 instead of leaving it at a 4/4 (I mean look at Emperor Thaurissan compared to this!). Leeroy didn't need to be nerfed since the combo of Miracle Rogue wasn't the problem, it was the card draw that let you draw into the combo of 4-5 cards. Buzzard wasn't the problem, it was the combo with UTH that sucked. Nerfing that led to the rise of face hunter since you couldn't (and still can't) draw cards very well. Honestly, I can get around poorly designed cards themselves (Unstable portal has led to the funniest games), but poorly designed NERFS are the real problem.

Although if you really want a poorly designed card you can look at the pre-nerf undertaker. This card was obviously never play tested with hunter decks and then it took Bliz a good 6 months to finally kill the card. Now it's never going to be used because it can't stay alive (although after losing 11 games in a row to a 4/5 undertaker on turn 3 I can't say I'm disappointed).

Also, in case you didn't realize how OP Mysterious Challenger really is, let me put it to you this way:

6 mana for a 6/6

Card draw is considered to be worth 1-1.5 mana. We'll give MC the benefit of the doubt and say 1 mana.

Secrets cost 1 mana to play

Most Secret Paladin decks run avg. 8 secrets (1 redemption, 1 repentance, 2 noble sacrifice, 2 avenge, 2 competitive spirit)

Most games MC draws at least 4 of the secrets (Some games 5 some games 3)

Best case scenario: 5 mana to draw secrets, 5 mana to play secrets = 10 mana. MC = 6 mana. Basically you're gaining 4 mana ( or drawing 4 cards for free) and a free 6/6.

Worst case: You spent 6 mana and get a 6/6. Wow, such disappointment.

Not even EA Games has the balls to do something like this...

Quote from Vultrae >>

It's a well known fact that Valeera was made to be the most physically attractive of the heroes to make up for her lack of decent cards. I think that as they start to introduce more cards for Rogue they will make her hero portrait less and less appealing. Maybe as other classes become weaker they will receive more attractive hero portraits.

I agree on all of these except for your statement on Secret Paladin. I was a patron warrior player, but after the nerf I decided to try secret paladin since that is going to be the new "OP" deck. Now, I will concur that when secret paladin loses, it loses spectacularly and seems worse than anything shaman can crank out.  However, after going on a 14 win streak, I can assure you that Mysterious Challenger needs to be nerfed, hard. The only reason why the deck is doing so well is because of that ONE card. If mysterious challenger wasn't in that deck, then it would be considered a trash tier 4 deck. If one card, ONE, can make a tier 4 deck into a tier 1 decks, obviously something needs to be done. When you play it, you basically win the game.

If you don't believe me think of it this way: Mysterious Challenger draws + plays an average of 5 secrets, each costing 1 mana. Now, it is generally accepted that drawing a card is about 1 mana (think azure drake), and the cost increases as more cards are drawn AT ONCE(think arcane intellect or sprint). Now, if we count drawing 5 cards as 5 mana (not even taking into consideration the extra cost of drawing all those cards at once) as well as playing them (Five 1 mana secrets means 5 mana to play them all) it adds up to a free 10 mana. Challenger costs 6. 6-10=-4. The card basically gives you 2 innervates and a 6/6.

Quote from H2050 >>

Game is perfectly balanced among 3 decks, durr.

And all three of those decks belong to paladin