Hearthpwn

Just played shudderwock shaman for the 6th time today. Whilst spamming emotes throughout the entire match this player managed to get no less than 7 hexs and 5 witches brew and of course rolled elysiana.

Prior to that I played a mage/giants/cyclone/etc/etc. Hearthstone is a delight at the moment.

Also every hunter mech deck now runs leroy for added banter. 

Shudderwock Shamans and Mech Warrior seems to be today's theme. Two autopilot decks with win conditions at the end of the game (which are more or less unavoidable). So much fun to play against. If you want to win you've got to be prepared to pay 45mins for admission. Who has that much time? Only the bellends who play these decks.

Also to throw my hat into the streamers discussion. What happened to the days when people read books, watched films, went outside etc? Call me old fashioned but there must be more to life that watching some kid play a video game? At the very least just play it yourself!! 

The world we live in is a fucked up place. We have Trump as the president of the US. Boris as the PM in he UK. And kids with dyed hair earning millions playing video games with more kids watching him or her play. And while this is all going on there are climatic disasters, huge populations of people starving to death, and wars being fought. 

New season - same shit different day. Four mech warriors in a row playing carbon copy decks.

Fortunately I had prepared for such an outcome by rolling a dragon warrior deck with azalina soulthief and Elysiana (and as much armour as I could reasonably fit in).

Use Elysiana slightly early (a couple cards before you start burning). Then use soulthief before they draw their last card. I can just imagine their horror when the autoplay bubble bursts and they realise they can’t win after 40minutes of play.

Fight fire with fire 🔥 fucking pricks!

Four mech hunters and a cyclone/giants/pocket galaxy mage deck today whilst completing my daily. Stood absolutely no chance with my modified dragon warrior deck (designed to counter these decks but drew no board clears and got done in by turn 7 or 8).

If I left my tablet on and rolled these decks - I reckon I could win by rubbing my balls against the screen. Maybe that’s what these jackoffs do when they play these decks.

EU seems to be swarming with hunters playing the incredibly complex vicious scalehide, dire frenzy, masters call midrange deck. I’ve also ran into many token Druid’s and togwaggle rogues. I can manage 2 or 3 matches before I have to close the game. It’s just so damn boring playing against these autopilot decks. 

Please hurry up with the expansion so I can have a week of playing different decks (before the inevitable 4-5 deck meta sets in).

Logged on today and played 4 matches on the EU Ladder.

Bomb warrior, mech paladin, Shirvallah paladin and murloc shaman. On one hand I was surprised to be pitched against 4 different deck - usually I just play against whatever is on the front page of this website. However I did make the mistake of thinking I’d have fun after a two day absence. 

First up was the bomb warrior. I conceded on turn 7 who rolled out Dr Boom right on cue. This persons deck consisted entirely of golden cards so I assumed that there was an Elysiana just waiting to extend an already fascinating matchup by 30minutes. 

Next came the mech paladin. After defeating a couple waves of cheap magnetic minions I ran out of options and soon became overwhelmed by a single giant minion. At this point the emotes were thrown at me at every opportunity. I genuinely believe that this is one of the most mindless decks ever created and sympathise with those who play it. If you get enjoyment out of this deck then I can only assume your other hobbies include licking windows and staring at the wall. That’s no way to live your life. 

In the next match I faced a OTK Shirvallah paladin. This deck is definitely up there with mech paladin in that it requires almost no consciousness to play. You draw cards. Clear the board a couple times. Heal yourself and wait until the end to pull off the combo. Fortunately my opponent disconnected half way through the match and I was spared the tedium. 

Lastly was the murloc shaman. My opponent obviously had an angler on turn two and it snowballed from there. Following this I went to the solo content and chilled out before writing this post. 

Now Hearthstone has never been a complex game and it doesn’t pretend to be. There have been very few decks over the years that have required more thought than choosing between a Big Mac or a veggie burger. But right now the game is saturated with such mindless decks that I get no enjoyment out of beating them (it does happen sometimes). If you beat a mech hunter on the ladder, great! But then you face another two in a row and it sucks all the enjoyment out the game. And if it’s not a mech hunter it’s a mech paladin or a one hour warrior. 

Fortunately the latest solo player content has been pretty fun. It’s not been difficult, but at least its been different and enjoyable. I just wish the player versus player content could be more than just a new set of cards every few months resulting in the same simple netdecks getting played over and over and over. 

Long winded ramble ends. 

The current state of Hearthstone: