"hes Dead Ben" I say to ben Brode.He Replied "we can Rebuild him, Stronger, Faster Paced!". "no you can't, once dead always Dead ,I mean whens the last time you saw a Undertaker Warlock?" I respond, "you'll See, YOU'LL ALL SEE" says ben
LoE:
"I did it, After all these Years" says ???? "after all these days.... Hes Finaly Fixed.... now for the Grand Reveal!" lighting Hits the Hidden Object. a Grim patron Warrior Reveals its self, But then a Voice From the Shadows is heard, "This is over Ben.... Its Time to finish this once and for all....". "is it really? You have forgotten the Power of The Patron!" ben says, "No.. I never could.. but this Time Im ready! Its time to dudududuel!" (I know You like the Yu-gi-oh Refrence) ben laughs "what are you going to use? a Secret paladin? hahahah" says ben, "maybe...." I respond
12 turns later
"Attack my 20/1 frothing berserker!" Declares ben. I drop to 3 health as I Draw my last card and add it to my hand of 1, "It is Over Unnamed Character! I have the High Ground!" Shouts ben. I smile "you think this is Over ben... You may have a Deaths bite Equipped But i have something more Some thing More Powerful than Your Frothing Berserker.... I SUMMON RENO JACKSON" I shout,"which as you should know Returns My health to Full if I have no more then 1 of each card in my deck and I well... My deck is kinda Empty", "aww Cute, Its a shame I still have... Lethal...." Ben reply's, "o'rly? I CAST CONSECRATION!" I Scream at the top of my voice, "no... it cant be!" Ben Responds in horror... I shout "Well met!" as Ben Concedes Leaving me... Victorious. I later Find an angry post of hearthpwn Saying that Reno Should be Nerfed.
Those are my thoughts on this matter.
EDIT: the Reason why I made this is A-I got bored and B-Ive seen an Increasing number of Patrons.
EDIT:changed a few things and Thank you toTheButchers for helping me Improve this.
I tried reading the whole thing, but mid-point my IQ dropped to under the level in which one can comprehend language. Not to say I understood anything in the beginning, though.
Firstly, I congratulate on your foray into non-fiction writing. However, in my opinion there are a few techniques you could use to make it more readable from a literary point of view.
For example, writing in giant chunks with out paragraphs puts a strain on readers, regardless of their IQ.
Second, using all capital letters or strings of bold reduce the flow of the writing.
In addition, the punctuation is incorrect, and the grammar needs a little work. For example the very first sentence, ("hes Dead Ben" I say to ben Brode, ben Brode Reply's "we can Rebuild him, Stronger, Faster Paced!". ")
It should look more like this. ("He's dead Ben," I say to Ben Brode. He replies, "we can rebuild him, stronger and faster paced."
The above version doesn't use multiple pronouns in sequence, doesn't use capital letters incorrectly, and overall reduces the clutter of the sentence, while conveying the same points.
Also, it is very straining on the reader to see things like (???) and (...) and (*) in the middle of a sentence. If you want to highlight an action for example try writing it in italics. For example, (Lighting hits the hidden object.)
Please note that I am not trying to attack you, I think writing is an excellent tool to convey stories and share with people. With a few changes this text can be much more natural to the human eye.
Firstly, I congratulate on your foray into non-fiction writing. However, in my opinion there are a few techniques you could use to make it more readable from a literary point of view.
For example, writing in giant chunks with out paragraphs puts a strain on readers, regardless of their IQ.
Second, using all capital letters or strings of bold reduce the flow of the writing.
In addition, the punctuation is incorrect, and the grammar needs a little work. For example the very first sentence, ("hes Dead Ben" I say to ben Brode, ben Brode Reply's "we can Rebuild him, Stronger, Faster Paced!". ")
It should look more like this. ("He's dead Ben," I say to Ben Brode. He replies, "we can rebuild him, stronger and faster paced."
The above version doesn't use multiple pronouns in sequence, doesn't use capital letters incorrectly, and overall reduces the clutter of the sentence, while conveying the same points.
Also, it is very straining on the reader to see things like (???) and (...) and (*) in the middle of a sentence. If you want to highlight an action for example try writing it in italics. For example, (Lighting hits the hidden object.)
Please note that I am not trying to attack you, I think writing is an excellent tool to convey stories and share with people. With a few changes this text can be much more natural to the human eye.
Quoted for truth.
Always remember that communication is about reaching your audience. The entire point is to make sure the people who read what you write understand and get the points you are trying to make. Without this, you might as well write it in a Diary then burning it.
Firstly, I congratulate on your foray into non-fiction writing. However, in my opinion there are a few techniques you could use to make it more readable from a literary point of view.
For example, writing in giant chunks with out paragraphs puts a strain on readers, regardless of their IQ.
Second, using all capital letters or strings of bold reduce the flow of the writing.
In addition, the punctuation is incorrect, and the grammar needs a little work. For example the very first sentence, ("hes Dead Ben" I say to ben Brode, ben Brode Reply's "we can Rebuild him, Stronger, Faster Paced!". ")
It should look more like this. ("He's dead Ben," I say to Ben Brode. He replies, "we can rebuild him, stronger and faster paced."
The above version doesn't use multiple pronouns in sequence, doesn't use capital letters incorrectly, and overall reduces the clutter of the sentence, while conveying the same points.
Also, it is very straining on the reader to see things like (???) and (...) and (*) in the middle of a sentence. If you want to highlight an action for example try writing it in italics. For example, (Lighting hits the hidden object.)
Please note that I am not trying to attack you, I think writing is an excellent tool to convey stories and share with people. With a few changes this text can be much more natural to the human eye.
Ive changed a few things here and there in the Story above and thank you. (The Capitel letters thing that I randomly do is a habit I have, I think it has something to do with the fact that I almost always have my a Finger over the Shift key).
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Warsong nerf:
"hes Dead Ben" I say to ben Brode.He Replied "we can Rebuild him, Stronger, Faster Paced!". "no you can't, once dead always Dead ,I mean whens the last time you saw a Undertaker Warlock?" I respond, "you'll See, YOU'LL ALL SEE" says ben
LoE:
"I did it, After all these Years" says ???? "after all these days.... Hes Finaly Fixed.... now for the Grand Reveal!" lighting Hits the Hidden Object. a Grim patron Warrior Reveals its self, But then a Voice From the Shadows is heard, "This is over Ben.... Its Time to finish this once and for all....". "is it really? You have forgotten the Power of The Patron!" ben says, "No.. I never could.. but this Time Im ready! Its time to dudududuel!" (I know You like the Yu-gi-oh Refrence) ben laughs "what are you going to use? a Secret paladin? hahahah" says ben, "maybe...." I respond
12 turns later
"Attack my 20/1 frothing berserker!" Declares ben. I drop to 3 health as I Draw my last card and add it to my hand of 1, "It is Over Unnamed Character! I have the High Ground!" Shouts ben. I smile "you think this is Over ben... You may have a Deaths bite Equipped But i have something more Some thing More Powerful than Your Frothing Berserker.... I SUMMON RENO JACKSON" I shout,"which as you should know Returns My health to Full if I have no more then 1 of each card in my deck and I well... My deck is kinda Empty", "aww Cute, Its a shame I still have... Lethal...." Ben reply's, "o'rly? I CAST CONSECRATION!" I Scream at the top of my voice, "no... it cant be!" Ben Responds in horror... I shout "Well met!" as Ben Concedes Leaving me... Victorious. I later Find an angry post of hearthpwn Saying that Reno Should be Nerfed.
Those are my thoughts on this matter.
EDIT: the Reason why I made this is A-I got bored and B-Ive seen an Increasing number of Patrons.
EDIT:changed a few things and Thank you toTheButchers for helping me Improve this.
Lul kek
I tried reading the whole thing, but mid-point my IQ dropped to under the level in which one can comprehend language. Not to say I understood anything in the beginning, though.
Han Solo dies
My writing is great m8 what you sayin?
You don't need to bring back Grim Patron when he's still there in the game.
Firstly, I congratulate on your foray into non-fiction writing. However, in my opinion there are a few techniques you could use to make it more readable from a literary point of view.
For example, writing in giant chunks with out paragraphs puts a strain on readers, regardless of their IQ.
Second, using all capital letters or strings of bold reduce the flow of the writing.
In addition, the punctuation is incorrect, and the grammar needs a little work. For example the very first sentence, ("hes Dead Ben" I say to ben Brode, ben Brode Reply's "we can Rebuild him, Stronger, Faster Paced!". ")
It should look more like this. ("He's dead Ben," I say to Ben Brode. He replies, "we can rebuild him, stronger and faster paced."
The above version doesn't use multiple pronouns in sequence, doesn't use capital letters incorrectly, and overall reduces the clutter of the sentence, while conveying the same points.
Also, it is very straining on the reader to see things like (???) and (...) and (*) in the middle of a sentence. If you want to highlight an action for example try writing it in italics. For example, (Lighting hits the hidden object.)
Please note that I am not trying to attack you, I think writing is an excellent tool to convey stories and share with people. With a few changes this text can be much more natural to the human eye.
One does not simply walk into Mordor,
unless they want to be the best they can be.
Unable to process. Too much stupid in post.
"Put your face in the light!" - Tirion Fordring