Hearthpwn

Hello, Hearthpwn! Boomsday is almost upon us, and prior to the hostile Druid takeover, I'd like to do a quick fun run-through of all 135 cards revealed using JelloApocalypse's “ten-words-or-less” format. (I did the same thing before The Witchwood last year too.) Let me know if you have any favorites or want to discuss any of my prediction/knee-jerk reactions/terrible jokes!

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DRUID

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Flobbidinous Floop: I accept our new Pig Druid overlords.

Floop's Glorious Gloop: Requires 3 deaths to beat old Innervate, but better situationally.

Dreampetal Florist: “Battlecry: Instill the fear of God in your opponent.”

Juicy Psychmelon: Hey guys, Rampthony Druidtano here.

Mulchmuncher: Doesn’t honestly need a dedicated deck to see play.

Tending Tauren: Mini-Cenarius! I expect it to be about as good.

Dendrologist: Suffers by being a non-Wild Growth 2-drop.

Gloop Sprayer: “My fellow scientists… what if we Flooped the gloop?”

Landscaping: They came out of the trees, man!

Biology Project: Riskiest card of the set. May also break it.

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HUNTER

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Flark's Boom-Zooka: I… don’t get it. Guess it’s a goblin thing.

Boommaster Flark: Remember Metaltooth Leaper? You will soon.

Necromechanic: *sad Baron Rivendare sounds*

Goblin Prank: How to make your Eggs die (horribly).

Spider Bomb: Deadly Shot on a body is good enough.

Fireworks Tech: Probably the main reason Bomb Hunter will be tried.

Cybertech Chip: “We’re very sorry about Infest, okay?”

Bomb Toss: Might just see general use, a lá Quick Shot.

Venomizer: WOAH that’s good! Mech Hunter approves!

Secret Plan: Freezing Trap kinda makes this into Chronoshot.

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MAGE

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Luna's Pocket Galaxy: Who knew that the key to infinity was not dying?

Stargazer Luna: Weirdly the only Scientist with direct Spell synergy.

Astromancer: I see Spiteful Summoner is still finding work.

Unexpected Results: Well, I expect the results will not be good enough.

Meteorologist: Cinderstorm+ on a 3/3. Mage doesn’t need this.

Celestial Emissary: Cool card, but not worth it right now.

Astral Rift: LITERALLY any minions. The inconsistency kills this on arrival.

Cosmic Anomaly: Reminder that Evolved Kobold existed... by spitting on its grave.

Research Project: Coldlight died for this.

Shooting Star: The only card with natural Spell Damage synergy. Tsk.

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PALADIN

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Kangor's Endless Army: Better Diamond Spellstone. I have high hopes for this.

Crystalsmith Kangor: Crystallizer gives this deck an enabler, so maybe it’ll work.

Glowstone Technician: Big delayed effect, bad body. Stick to Fungalmancer.

Prismatic Lens: This may work with Anyfin, come to think of it.

Shrink Ray: “Honey, I Shrunk the Winrate!”

Annoy-o-Module: Like Lone Champion with more HOWDY!

Crystology: Lynessa, Stonehill, Tar Creeper, Crystallizer, Kangor. That’ll do ya.

Mechano-Egg: Might be the tipping point for the Silence meta.

Autodefense Matrix: Dude insurance, 90% of the time. Decent Hydrologist pick.

Glow-Tron: Did we learn nothing from Dire Mole? Broken with Mechwarper.

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PRIEST

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Zerek's Cloning Gallery: Overcosted because of Shadow Visions. Gimped because of it too.

Zerek, Master Cloner: Expect to see him everywhere… in exactly one game.

Reckless Experimenter: Egg/Cube Priest is legit TERRIFYING.

Power Word: Replicate: Surprisingly deep design. Time will tell with this one.

Omega Medic: Feels very Twilight Darkmender-y to me. Anyone else remember that?

Extra Arms: Keep in mind, Radiant Elemental makes this less awful.

Test Subject: I suppose cloning research extends to reprints now.

Dead Ringer: Tutor Hoarder, but you run both in Quest Priest.

Cloning Device: Lyra, this is why we can’t have nice things.

Topsy Turvy: Love the synergy with Unpowered Steambot!

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ROGUE

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Myra Rotspring: Seems okay, if without a home in Standard for now.

Myra's Unstable Element: Deck building mid-match? Seems legit.

Necrium Vial: From the Red Mana Wyrm school of design...

Academic Espionage: One important, oft-forgotten aspect of chemistry is dilution.

Blightnozzle Crawler: Love the design, but Vilespine Slayer is still better.

Necrium Blade: “Cube Rogue inbound! Steal everything and run!”

Pogo-Hopper: Please… just let Quest Rogue die.

Crazed Chemist: She drank Freezing Potion once. Now she has cold blood.

Violet Haze: Could be fine, but one prefers Deathrattles to be consistent.

Lab Recruiter: Calling it now, this gets nerfed first.

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SHAMAN

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The Storm Bringer: “Hey, guys, Shift-Con’s over! Get off my board!”

Electra Stormsurge: Useful in every Shaman deck. Thank god it’s odd.

Thunderhead: “I serve the Primal Lord!”

Omega Mind: Oh, I loved that movie!

Eureka!: “I’ve discovered that Malygos is getting HoF’d!”

Storm Chaser: Cannot draw Lightning Storm. 0/10.

Voltaic Burst: Who knew Flametongue Totems were such great conductors?

Menacing Nimbus: “Having trouble drawing Grumble? Worry no more!”

Elementary Reaction: “Elementals, my dear Wattson.” -Lershock Ohms

Beakered Lightning: Overload strikes twice, killing the card instantly.

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WARLOCK

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Dr. Morrigan: Currently trash, unless I’m brutally misunderstanding the objective.

The Soularium: To think we almost got this in Arena months ago.

Ectomancy: Scary if it works. Here’s hoping it doesn’t.

Omega Agent: Ah, yes, the good Warlock Epic with no associated deck.

Nethersoul Buster: “I ain’t afraid of no Death Knights!”

Void Analyst: “Reprints. They happen, y’know?”

Soul Infusion: Really underrated. Hand Hunter’s problem was inconsistency.

Doubling Imp: Desperately wants overtime pay.

Demonic Project: Transform your opponent’s Shudderwock into Lord Jaraxxus and cry.

Spirit Bomb: Can’t quite tell if Evenlock wants this. Leaning towards “no.”

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WARRIOR

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The Boomship: Gives Big Warrior hand dump. See you in Tier 3!

Dr. Boom, Mad Genius: Perfectly Balanced.

Beryllium Nullifier: It seems to have also nullified my opinion. Overwhelmingly meh.

Supercollider: With Attack small enough to split Wisps.

Security Rover: Remember Hogger, Doom of Elwynn? Neither does anyone else!

Dyn-o-matic: Actually quite good against midgame dudes.

Omega Assembly: YES! Now that’s what I call sustain!

Weapons Project: See, this is what healthy disruption looks like.

Rocket Boots: I didn’t know these came in size Snail!

Eternium Rover: Lowkey going to be in EVERY Warrior deck.

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NEUTRAL

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Mecha'thun: “My dreaming ends... Your nightmare begins! Me being viable!”

Zilliax: Glinda Crowskin + Mechwarper on T9 in Wild. Fun and interactive!

Subject 9: Cloaked Huntress just unlocked a new mount.

Whizbang the Wonderful: Exactly that. (But never craft him.)

Harbinger Celestia: I’m looking at it and I’ve already forgotten it exists.

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Star Aligner: ...Huh. I’d be okay with losing to this.

Holomancer: Has as much impact as an actual hologram. Terrible card.

Seaforium Bomber: How do you peerc rewop a 4-year-old card?

E.M.P. Operative: Her degree is in Marine Biology.

Loose Specimen: Love the synergy with Bittertide Hydra.

Omega Defender: And will be played on Turn 4 in Druid.

Weaponized Piñata: Takes two weeks to clean up the aftermath.

Augmented Elekk: Heralds the glorious, unwanted return of Weasel Priest.

Crystallizer: FINALLY, some legit Heal Paladin support! (Actually really really good.)

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Arcane Dynamo: Even Shaman has Bloodlust now. Start running.

Missile Launcher: Couldn’t cost less due to Venomizer, but that’s still good.

Mechanical Whelp: Good off Doc Boom and Myra, but not deck-worthy.

Spark Drill: Why is this worse than a Rager in the same set?

Giggling Inventor: Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, my last remaining patience.

Replicating Menace: Worse Swipe in Warrior? Probably lackluster.

Galvanizer: Hate it already.

Unpowered Mauler: And it will STAY unpowered.

Spark Engine: Oh, hey, they finally nerfed Fire Fly… Wait, what?

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Bull Dozer: Is ridiculously good with Doc Boom out.

Damaged Stegotron: The Endless Army rides on Stegotron steeds.

Rusty Recycler: I think Applebaum is better. Still, Mech tag’s worth something.

Wargear: Best example that any Mech is usable somewhere.

Steel Rager: Genuinely not terrible.

Piloted Reaper: See, now that [/card]Doomsayer[card] is your own damn fault.

Explodinator: Can be used with Attack buffs? Kinda weak.

Coppertail Imposter: Might as well say “Best With Wargear” on the label.

Brainstormer: Just play Twilight Drake.

Microtech Controller: Can never refuse a good omelet.

Kaboom Bot: *Warning: Kaboom Bots may be Volatile.*

Bronze Gatekeeper: Who said Bronze is worse than Silver(back)?

Electrowright: Fine enough card, but who wants this?

Spring Rocket: Mecha'thun! Mecha'thun! Mecha'thun*! (No association.)

Cloakscale Chemist: Ehhhh. Better buff targets exist.

Toxicologist: Now Even Rogue can curve like Odd Rogue!

Whirliglider: Redundancy in Bomb Hunter, wherein this is the worst card.

Upgradeable Framebot: Hooooooo boy. The perfect Magnetic target.

Goblin Bomb: Is only collectible for reference purposes, like Stegodon.

Skaterbot: I refuse to make the Avril Lavigne joke.

Mecharoo: GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT! (For free with Mechwarper!)

Faithful Lumi: Will only be used with Mechwarper and Bombs; Good enough.

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(Edit: Done linking all the cards!)

Ok, this is awesome.

Great list! 

Funny enough only the last entry that irks me - IMO Faithful Lumi will be a key card in standard aggro mech decks alongside Mecharoo and other mech 1/2 drops.

 

AH yes, the dreaded Ziliax Mechwarper Glinda combo. Tell you what, since you refuse to make an Avril Lavigne joke for Skaterbot, how about you give him Ziliax's text instead.

In my opinion. Pogo Hopper is worthless in quest rogue. You already beat slow decks anyways, you need to be bouncing cards that do something like Novice Engineer or Glacial Shard. Piling up stats before the quest drops is meaningless.

Quote from Azk29 >>

In my opinion. Pogo Hopper is worthless in quest rogue. You already beat slow decks anyways, you need to be bouncing cards that do something like Novice Engineer or Glacial Shard. Piling up stats before the quest drops is meaningless.

 I agree with that. Problem is, this card still enforces the Quest Rogue mentality, which has at this point become a tired and toxic, not to mention uninteractive, concept for Rogue.

this is alot of work good job

Quote from Garlicnerd >>

Ok, this is awesome.

 Thanks! This kills my wrists, so I appreciate that people like my take on these things!

Quote from PassionFruit0923 >>

this is alot of work good job

 Thanks! I know it's a lot to read through, but it's something I enjoy doing with my time (even if card linking makes my hands scream, as I'm on mobile).