Hearthpwn

According to my deck tracking application, 25% of my matchups are with warrior and another 20% of my matchups are with rogue. I was wondering why I was considering ripping my own eyes out and eating them. You can answer a lot of questions by looking at statistics.

Okay new Hearthstone rule: if you play GOLDEN Gruul, you are REQUIRED to accept friend requests and listen while people (like myself) shout IT'S GOLD, JERRY! GOLD! at you for a minimum of 5 minutes. For real, I'm very salty I may never have another chance like that.

Quote from LameMeElC >>

According to my deck tracking application, 25% of my matchups are with warrior and another 20% of my matchups are with rogue. I was wondering why I was considering ripping my own eyes out and eating them. You can answer a lot of questions by looking at statistics.

 On a positive note, you can main deck Millhouse Manastorm and it will likely have ZERO negative impact in either of those two matchups.

Quote from BKrisz >>

how can the same guy in 2 games in a row make a 10 10 edwin on turn 3 which i have no answer for

 

HOW

 You can't beat rigged RNG

If you play Token Druid or Murloc Shaman you are everything that is wrong with this game. 

Also, if someone can explain to me how the fuck Blizzard thought it a good idea to allow hyper aggro decks to not only survive past turn 10 (and 5 board clears) but do so with at least 6 cards in hand and still able to refill the board?

Absolute joke. 

Casual is so sad, fyi if you are playing tier 1 net decks and you feel the need to emote when you get the upper hand on someone doing quests, when you are done pressing the button look for your nuts, that is my rant for the day thank you.

Quote from DarkSwordHS >>

Casual is so sad, fyi if you are playing tier 1 net decks and you feel the need to emote when you get the upper hand on someone doing quests, when you are done pressing the button look for your nuts, that is my rant for the day thank you.

 Arena is equally sad for the same reason. Squelch is my favorite in-game option, but sometimes I let them emote for my own amusement. I often wonder what these people's lives are like. Maybe they're in a dark basement or have lots of cats. Maybe they kidnap people and murder them. Maybe they're nuns who are bored in a convent somewhere in New York City.

I dont even know where to begin today (first time typing here), because today was effing awful.

First I play vs zoo lock. He plays Rafaam and next round has 5 minions (EVIL genious, Thalnos, Rafaam, Talanji and another strong legendary). I play two mind controll and of course steal EVIL genious and Thalnos. That was f.. brutal.

Next game I controll the board vs mech hunter and he plays missile launcher and that mech poison. That combo should be nerfed asap (poison should only work when you attack).

And the third game I play vs another big mage. I had controll the entire game, but at turn 10 he plays asto and khadgar and ofc spawns 3 King Krush.

There was more as well, this was just the good stuff.

I dont think I have ever had this unluck. Dropped from rank 2 to 4. Thanks fucking randomness..

Anyone that thinks that they are good at this game must think that they are good at flipping a coin as well. All of the thought has been completely removed. Perfect cards are spoon fed on curve, so-called RNG effects hit perfectly every time, and top deck winners are commonplace. My 8 year old niece can play this game. I have all golden heroes and have been playing since the beginning so I can remember when strategy and thought were actually parts of this game. Those days are gone and now we have this mindless game that runs on autopilot.  

The worst emoters are the ones who are too chicken shit to do it until the last turn, and then do it over and over. I just think, what a fucking douche.

I've spent a significant amount of time compiling statistics of card values in Hearthstone after the new expansion. I have broken down stat lines, damage, restoration, battlecries, deathrattles, etc. on a per cost basis for every card in the standard set. I then took that a step further by calculating value if played "on curve" versus later in the game. I discovered quite a few cards that are surprisingly low average value that are played a lot and cards that are surprisingly high average value that nobody plays at all. I then took a deeper look into why such valuable cards were completely overlooked, and I discovered a common thread. Nearly ALL the high value "unplayed" cards are 8+ mana cards. After having this epiphony, I decided to compile statistics and data from various sources to ultimately determine why these cards aren't played and have finally, after weeks of research, discovered why...

According to the data, 74.6% of all situations those cards would be playable, they are already dead to a Waggle Picked Leeroy Jenkins. 

If I'm clearly playing a meme deck and you're playing a Tempo fucking Rogue in casual, is it even necessary to spam 36 (counted) emotes while playing? Does it make your penis grow? Cause that's the only reason I can think about.

I feel really sad for you

Played my control warlock in standard against murloc shaman. Lost because I did not drew any of my heals except Siphon soul that is a dead draw and I did not drew any aoe - 2 Hellfire, 2 Shadowflame. I could not protect myself thanks to Earth shocks from lackeys. On top of that I started this game with Aranasi Broodmother in hand and my first draw was another copy of her. Fucking well played, sir. How to play this game?

The game clearly says that I should stop playing it. Otherwise I can not understand, why I have such a bad RNG after a week off?

How can I win against those warriors. Last game he armored up for 67 armor during the game while just removing all my stuff. I could keep up with board presence and face dmg. I did 64 face dmg over the whole game. But in the end I ran out of cards and ate the bombs while he kept armoring up and removing my board.

No matter what I put on the board....it dies.

1 minion, many minions, high hp minions...there is always an answer without even having dr.madboom up. Execute, Shieldslam, Ziliax, Warpath, Brawl, Collider....

Once the mechs have rush its lost anyway.

What the actual fuck? I get a quest to win three games with either Warrior or Rogue. Obviously, I choose Rogue, you know the famously hideous Lackey one with VanQUEEF. So what do I cue into? Warrior. So I concede real fast and say, dammit, I want some FAST matches. I try for Rogue again, you know, to slap some face and win some matches quick. Oh no, warrior. I rinse and repeat. All warriors as opponents. So then I reluctantly decide to just do the warrior thing since the game wants me to spend some time churning out the gold. So I choose the bomb warrior thing and guess what my match is? A fucking sonofabitchinmotherfuckingannoyingashellpieceofshit Heal Druid which is so slow paint dries faster outside in a torrential downpour.

It's all so random. So random and enfuriating. Dear world: I do not want to spend 30 plus minutes playing a single match. I want lots of matches. The more matches per 30 minutes the better the gold winning. It's the end of the month. It's time to go for the gold, if only this shit game would stop reading my mind with its random on purpose bullshit that's just my imagination.

By the way, just for the record, I'm any old stupid asshole. I promise you from personal experience that any old stupid asshole can play this game successfully with Bomb Warrior, any of the in fashion face-slapping Rogue decks, control Warrior, Token Druid, and mech bomb hunter. This means that fast gold mining should be a bit easier, but that is far beyond  my shit for brains.

Mech Hunters and Tempo Rogues, you don't feel a cancer inside of you while playing with this decks in casual?

I'm not kidding or being salt, I don't care what do you do with your lifes, it's a serious question.

Quote from Hedwyn_nl >>

Mech Hunters and Tempo Rogues, you don't feel a cancer inside of you while playing with this decks in casual?

I'm not kidding or being salt, I don't care what do you do with your lifes, it's a serious question.

 Farming for gold, because I'm any old stupid asshole that can use those decks. Please remember that when you face these decks that you are playing against somebody like me. I truly hope, from the deepest of my rotten heart, that this makes you feel better.

I have become what I hate.  You all did this. Congratulations, good job playing netdecks in casual.

edit: lost because my opponent drew the nuts and i didnt.  cant even win with a tier 1 deck in casual

i hate myself more than anything else.  i deserve immediate execution.

let's make a weird priest deck,

and queue into lackey rogue.

fun not allowed.