With the help of my friend's daughter (who I am very grateful for the help), I was able to give this card a proper name. Good job, kiddo, you did good.
I was going to make this an effect that is active for the whole game, but I didn't feel like that was balanced, nor did I think that people would want to just keep drawing cards and have them turn into Power Word: Shield copies. Kinda bonkers for a card design. Fortunately, the wording turned out pretty good, and I am glad to have come to this choice with my design.