Hearthpwn

Day 15 Reveals: Precision Timing, Imbuement Surge and Syndicate Worker.

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Day 16 Reveals: Jungle Weed, Sunscorch, Eye of Rashah, Retian's Prophet and Rager Infusement.

the Final Lich (Mage Quest) is way to OP

Here's a really long comment, where I look over all of your cards that you've pasted in the opening comment. I have to say, there's a lot of good and a lot of bad, and I'm going to be honest, because we can't improve if people aren't honest with us. Please read absolutely everything. I spent real time with my review, and I want only for you to see and respect my effort here today. Understand that I mean you no harm and only want the best for you. For starters, there are a lot of cards here that make no sense to me, but can be argued enough to make sense.

Blood-Crazed Beast is a good start. I don't understand why other minions would have increased Attack or Health just because BCB is injured. The name is what throws me off the most, as the name doesn't suggest to me that it's a leader, that it influences other beasts.

Peaceful Grovetender doesn't make sense either. I see a number of things that just don't seem to make sense of themselves. Once again, these things can be argued to make sense, but you have to really force it.

Sworn Brothers, if they are Brothers, why are you forcing a situation where your chosen minion is damaging you? I feel like that really goes against the flavor of the card and ignoring its suggested good nature.

The Forgotten Mountains is way too strong and needs some finetuning. Gaining 15 armor is not hard, and allowing people to just add 0 cost cards to their hand at the start of their turn is absolutely broken. You can have this done around turn 5, and for whatever reason, you're being rewarded more than you should. This is too much, and needs some amount of correction.

Halting Blow is hard to argue, honestly. I don't feel the name is appropriate, again. When a name is off this much, the presentation messes with my feelings on the card because it feels like it isn't paying its own identity any respect.

Same thing with Thornhunter Kodo. The name doesn't suggest much concerning what it does, and the image you used isn't of a Kodo whatsoever.

Meka Dinospewer (strange you didn't use the spelling "Mecha") doesn't really make too much sense to me either. Is it shedding its shell when it becomes damaged? Everything that this card is trying to suggest doesn't feel like it works at all. It feels like it's trying to be a different card.

Precision Timing and Jungle Weed both have this same problem, where it feels like its trying to be something that it isn't.

Icy Veil, while good, is another example of a card that is too strong for its own good. 1 mana Sap/Shadowstep that also halts an attack and enables Freeze mechanics too easily.

Cerulean Drake is also doing WAY too much for its cost and assigned statline.

Summoner's Tome isn't summoning anything, which feels weird.

Grand Lich Alyssia is absolutely not acceptable whatsoever. You are giving too many of your cards too much power without thinking much on the consequences of breaking your own work. Even with the "nerf" you gave it, it's still doing way too much. Not being able to draw your cards anymore is not okay. Being out of cards in your deck is one thing, but forcing complete restriction is another, and no, Warlock being able to destroy an entire deck is not justification for your card being stronger than it should be.

I don't understand why Righteous Crusader is giving a Coin at the end of the turn. That's my problem, so don't worry about it. Only mentioned this because I'm still just trying to communicate when something feels strange so that you might give a bit more attention to your cards and the details why the cards turn out the way they do.

Mamzanroulv Youngbrow, how do you pronounce that? Just curious because I don't often see names like this one.

Vindicator Maraad is worrisome, but if Rogue can make their minions 4/4, this should be fine, I think.

Necrosummoner has too much Health. A minion that keeps summoning minions and has a high Health total isn't balanced. It should have 5 Health at most.

Shadow Word: Trauma needs better wording and clarification as to what "Destroy an enemy card" means. It's technically non-functioning because there isn't enough information provided.

Treasure Trove, while not as offensive as Forgotten Mountains, is providing a bit more than it probably should. Could be me just nitpicking, but the Quest is not that hard to satisfy. I'd bring the mana cost reduction down from 5 to 3.

Lucifer Grimgrave is missing the detail about whether or not the cards are being added to your hand or not.

Death Incarnate, Tyrande should read "Summon copies of your opponent's minions" because in its current state, it is also able to summon Secrets, and that doesn't really make sense.

Samantha Sorrowsoul has five lines of text. The unwritten rule of Hearthstone Cards is that the maximum lines of text should never go past 4. Try writing "Start of Game: If your deck has at least 10 Deathrattle minions, your Deathrattles trigger twice this game." Should work perfect, and it will look, sound and feel better to read.

Can you only target a minion with Rush with Mirror of Demise? It says "Summon a copy of a friendly minion with Rush". I wish you could summon a copy of a friendly minion and give it Rush, but we know that that's probably bad. I'd still do it anyway.

Drain Charisma doesn't make sense and feels like it's doing too much. Drain Vitality is the correct name. Charisma has nothing to do with life energy, but Vitality does. Charisma has more to do with charm and the perception people have of the charismatic person in question.

Blood Ritual should require more from you or have Kil'jaeden's effect diminished. Discarding two cards from your hand every turn is much too strong, considering it's every turn and not just one turn.

Worgen Pack feels like a super dumb board clear, so the cost feels off. I'm tempted to say this should cost 7, but I wouldn't change it.

I would give Elistior Bloodsword 9 Health instead of 7. His effect only works against damaged minions, and because of this, he could even cost 5 mana as a 3/7 minion. As a 3/9, he could cost 6 mana.

There's a lot you did right with this set, though. I'd like to list my favorite from each class, just so this doesn't feel like you're being only criticized.

Spectral Prankster and Spectral Spirit are evenly tied. I feel like they're both incredible cards that aren't overstepping their boundaries.

Robed Archer is such a cool card, easily my favorite of the Hunter cards.

Lost Archives is spot on in so many ways, nicely done!

Liadrin the Fallen feels like a sweet tech card, which is super cool.

Retian's Prophet is something I only wish we had in the game. I like that it doesn't just affect your opponent.

Shao'Ren Instructor is such a flexible card, it is essential that I make it my favorite of your Rogue cards. Ambush is a close second. Impressive pair.

Beyond the Grave is cool, though I was almost tempted to name it as being too strong. Another card that isn't overstepping its boundaries, which is important.

Vampiric Touch is easily my favorite of the Warlock cards. Appropriate card for the Warlock class.

I like Rat Infestation the most of your Warrior cards. If it cost 1 or 2 more mana, you'd be able to make my dreams for this card come true and make it so the rats are summoned, which suits the flavor of the card best.

The near limitless errors and problems aside, you've got some really impressive work here, and I feel you've got a good head on your shoulders. My suggestion? If you're going to make a card serious, spend up to 3 minutes looking over your card when you're about to publish it. Don't publish it right away. Instead, ask yourself "Is this okay? Does my card make enough sense? Is the wording clear enough?" Take some real time with your set and be patient. Your set is good, but there are enough problems existent that I feel like you rushed the production, and that's never good.

Keep up the good work.

Quote from CypherBenkes >>

Here's a really long comment, where I look over all of your cards that you've pasted in the opening comment. I have to say, there's a lot of good and a lot of bad, and I'm going to be honest, because we can't improve if people aren't honest with us. Please read absolutely everything. I spent real time with my review, and I want only for you to see and respect my effort here today. Understand that I mean you no harm and only want the best for you. For starters, there are a lot of cards here that make no sense to me, but can be argued enough to make sense.

Blood-Crazed Beast is a good start. I don't understand why other minions would have increased Attack or Health just because BCB is injured. The name is what throws me off the most, as the name doesn't suggest to me that it's a leader, that it influences other beasts.

Peaceful Grovetender doesn't make sense either. I see a number of things that just don't seem to make sense of themselves. Once again, these things can be argued to make sense, but you have to really force it.

Sworn Brothers, if they are Brothers, why are you forcing a situation where your chosen minion is damaging you? I feel like that really goes against the flavor of the card and ignoring its suggested good nature.

The Forgotten Mountains is way too strong and needs some finetuning. Gaining 15 armor is not hard, and allowing people to just add 0 cost cards to their hand at the start of their turn is absolutely broken. You can have this done around turn 5, and for whatever reason, you're being rewarded more than you should. This is too much, and needs some amount of correction.

Halting Blow is hard to argue, honestly. I don't feel the name is appropriate, again. When a name is off this much, the presentation messes with my feelings on the card because it feels like it isn't paying its own identity any respect.

Same thing with Thornhunter Kodo. The name doesn't suggest much concerning what it does, and the image you used isn't of a Kodo whatsoever.

Meka Dinospewer (strange you didn't use the spelling "Mecha") doesn't really make too much sense to me either. Is it shedding its shell when it becomes damaged? Everything that this card is trying to suggest doesn't feel like it works at all. It feels like it's trying to be a different card.

Precision Timing and Jungle Weed both have this same problem, where it feels like its trying to be something that it isn't.

Icy Veil, while good, is another example of a card that is too strong for its own good. 1 mana Sap/Shadowstep that also halts an attack and enables Freeze mechanics too easily.

Cerulean Drake is also doing WAY too much for its cost and assigned statline.

Summoner's Tome isn't summoning anything, which feels weird.

Grand Lich Alyssia is absolutely not acceptable whatsoever. You are giving too many of your cards too much power without thinking much on the consequences of breaking your own work. Even with the "nerf" you gave it, it's still doing way too much. Not being able to draw your cards anymore is not okay. Being out of cards in your deck is one thing, but forcing complete restriction is another, and no, Warlock being able to destroy an entire deck is not justification for your card being stronger than it should be.

I don't understand why Righteous Crusader is giving a Coin at the end of the turn. That's my problem, so don't worry about it. Only mentioned this because I'm still just trying to communicate when something feels strange so that you might give a bit more attention to your cards and the details why the cards turn out the way they do.

Mamzanroulv Youngbrow, how do you pronounce that? Just curious because I don't often see names like this one.

Vindicator Maraad is worrisome, but if Rogue can make their minions 4/4, this should be fine, I think.

Necrosummoner has too much Health. A minion that keeps summoning minions and has a high Health total isn't balanced. It should have 5 Health at most.

Shadow Word: Trauma needs better wording and clarification as to what "Destroy an enemy card" means. It's technically non-functioning because there isn't enough information provided.

Treasure Trove, while not as offensive as Forgotten Mountains, is providing a bit more than it probably should. Could be me just nitpicking, but the Quest is not that hard to satisfy. I'd bring the mana cost reduction down from 5 to 3.

Lucifer Grimgrave is missing the detail about whether or not the cards are being added to your hand or not.

Death Incarnate, Tyrande should read "Summon copies of your opponent's minions" because in its current state, it is also able to summon Secrets, and that doesn't really make sense.

Samantha Sorrowsoul has five lines of text. The unwritten rule of Hearthstone Cards is that the maximum lines of text should never go past 4. Try writing "Start of Game: If your deck has at least 10 Deathrattle minions, your Deathrattles trigger twice this game." Should work perfect, and it will look, sound and feel better to read.

Can you only target a minion with Rush with Mirror of Demise? It says "Summon a copy of a friendly minion with Rush". I wish you could summon a copy of a friendly minion and give it Rush, but we know that that's probably bad. I'd still do it anyway.

Drain Charisma doesn't make sense and feels like it's doing too much. Drain Vitality is the correct name. Charisma has nothing to do with life energy, but Vitality does. Charisma has more to do with charm and the perception people have of the charismatic person in question.

Blood Ritual should require more from you or have Kil'jaeden's effect diminished. Discarding two cards from your hand every turn is much too strong, considering it's every turn and not just one turn.

Worgen Pack feels like a super dumb board clear, so the cost feels off. I'm tempted to say this should cost 7, but I wouldn't change it.

I would give Elistior Bloodsword 9 Health instead of 7. His effect only works against damaged minions, and because of this, he could even cost 5 mana as a 3/7 minion. As a 3/9, he could cost 6 mana.

There's a lot you did right with this set, though. I'd like to list my favorite from each class, just so this doesn't feel like you're being only criticized.

Spectral Prankster and Spectral Spirit are evenly tied. I feel like they're both incredible cards that aren't overstepping their boundaries.

Robed Archer is such a cool card, easily my favorite of the Hunter cards.

Lost Archives is spot on in so many ways, nicely done!

Liadrin the Fallen feels like a sweet tech card, which is super cool.

Retian's Prophet is something I only wish we had in the game. I like that it doesn't just affect your opponent.

Shao'Ren Instructor is such a flexible card, it is essential that I make it my favorite of your Rogue cards. Ambush is a close second. Impressive pair.

Beyond the Grave is cool, though I was almost tempted to name it as being too strong. Another card that isn't overstepping its boundaries, which is important.

Vampiric Touch is easily my favorite of the Warlock cards. Appropriate card for the Warlock class.

I like Rat Infestation the most of your Warrior cards. If it cost 1 or 2 more mana, you'd be able to make my dreams for this card come true and make it so the rats are summoned, which suits the flavor of the card best.

The near limitless errors and problems aside, you've got some really impressive work here, and I feel you've got a good head on your shoulders. My suggestion? If you're going to make a card serious, spend up to 3 minutes looking over your card when you're about to publish it. Don't publish it right away. Instead, ask yourself "Is this okay? Does my card make enough sense? Is the wording clear enough?" Take some real time with your set and be patient. Your set is good, but there are enough problems existent that I feel like you rushed the production, and that's never good.

Keep up the good work.

 Thanks for your feedback. This was a really old project that I worked on back when I first started designing cards and as such some of the cards may not have been as well designed. I'm glad to see this old thread bumped again though, and for someone to finally critique my work. If the names don't make much sense, it's probably because I translated them from my native language (where if I said it in my native language it might make more sense. And yes, some of the cards were a little rushed, and they might have been overpowered because I was trying to push the boundaries and see what I could get away with.

 

 

 

Grand Lich Alyssia is fucking overpowered though, no idea how I missed that one.

@Alpha

I didn't pay any mind to when this was posted. You made a lot of cards, and a lot of them caught my eye, for better or for worse. When someone puts that much effort into their work, they have my attention, and wherever possible, I will lend assistance. I like to also try helping make sense of smaller ideas that people have. It's just a matter of the mood I'm in. As it is, I spent 2 1/2 months on a set that came out to over 360 cards. You can visit the Emporium in my signature to view the set. It's because I've been in your position (a rather extreme and intense pair of your shoes at least) that I wanted to help, because you reminded me of those days, which is nice.

To be honest, I almost kept from leaving a critique because I saw the one card that has five lines of text and took you for a complete joke. That one small detail about cards always flips my switch quickest. Either way, I'm happy I put up with looking through everything. You have a real promising set of cards here. From what I've seen, people really enjoy the set. It's not complete, and you know what? It's going to really fucking piss me off if you don't complete it. You owe it to yourself to complete this thing, and I believe in you. I believe you've learned a lot in your time, and that you should finish the set. Please finish the set! If you do, I'll come back and leave critique. Give it your best shot. You got this.

Quote from CypherBenkes >>

@Alpha

I didn't pay any mind to when this was posted. You made a lot of cards, and a lot of them caught my eye, for better or for worse. When someone puts that much effort into their work, they have my attention, and wherever possible, I will lend assistance. I like to also try helping make sense of smaller ideas that people have. It's just a matter of the mood I'm in. As it is, I spent 2 1/2 months on a set that came out to over 360 cards. You can visit the Emporium in my signature to view the set. It's because I've been in your position (a rather extreme and intense pair of your shoes at least) that I wanted to help, because you reminded me of those days, which is nice.

To be honest, I almost kept from leaving a critique because I saw the one card that has five lines of text and took you for a complete joke. That one small detail about cards always flips my switch quickest. Either way, I'm happy I put up with looking through everything. You have a real promising set of cards here. From what I've seen, people really enjoy the set. It's not complete, and you know what? It's going to really fucking piss me off if you don't complete it. You owe it to yourself to complete this thing, and I believe in you. I believe you've learned a lot in your time, and that you should finish the set. Please finish the set! If you do, I'll come back and leave critique. Give it your best shot. You got this.

I abandoned the project abit due to studies and other external factors. But I guess I do have an obligation to complete the set. 

 

Thanks for your encouragement, it's nice to have someone willing to critique my work. Will pick it back up shortly.

Thread Reboot - Afflicted Warden, Lock On and Lootkeeper!