Hearthpwn

After I lured you successfully with my clickbait title, I have to ask you a question of utmost importance (no, you don’t have to endure an endlessly long essay about how a random, new player once lost to a Malyrogue deck even though he had 30 HP AND a Goldshire Footman in play and therefore requests Malygos Sinister Strike to get nerfed immediately):


Do you know what Purify should have looked like instead? I'll tell you:

All around the Hearthstone community, Purify was not welcomed too well. Some cried salty tears of bitterness, some others spelled doom over the Priest class as a whole and then a few pragmatic guys like me started brooding on revolutionary and amazing ideas to help revive a once glorious class by forging new cards and therefore simply wasting our time (Ben Brode was laughing at his chimney, but that is obvious).

And after hours and hours of work, after days and nights doing nothing except working and striving for something yet seen in our humankind, I finally managed to realize what it actually takes to make a new card for the virtual card game Hearthstone. Basically nothing except hearthcards.net and an stable internet connection.

That insight helped me to think outside the box in order to once and for all discover the complex solution to all our moaning and complaining. You might remember (you really should btw as it wasn’t too long ago), people approached reworking Purify in several different ways: Giving it an OP effect, giving it a serviceable effect, giving it at least something that would make you consider not laughing at the card, improving it by giving it no effect.

To cut a long story short, there was one thing all those variations had in common, they somewhat made the card better. The Priest doesn’t need „somewhat better“ though, the Priest needs lots of better, the class needs OPness, the class needs the stuff all the unknown athletes take to set new world records at the Olympic Games just to disappear after that as suddenly as they came (that Standard format rotation reference though).

But the crux of the matter was - and still is - that even suggestions like „give us a 7/7 4 mana minion kappa“ didn’t quite suffice. So, I, and also lots of other guys from the community, faced a big problem: When even your „standard“ kind of OPness doesn’t help...what else can you do? Here is the answer: Just think for a second about this…

What is the most ridiculous card to ever see the light of the day? Which card raised your eyebrows everytime you saw it being played? – Correct, it was and arguably still is Magma Rager.

And what minion has the same amount of health as the mighty card that is Magma Rager? – A Boom Bot. That leads to the question…

Remember Dr. Boom, the ultimate incarnation of OPness in one card?
Yes?
And why was and is he so OP?

Because the doctor has both. Light and Darkness. Good and Bad. An annoying entrance sound and an even more annoying effect. OPness and even more OPness. The 1/1 Boom Bots are the Yin to the Yang that is Boom’s 7/7 body. That is why no one thought War Golem was OP, he is a raw, unpolished diamond as he only has one side to him. He was and will never be complete (let’s ignore the Wisp fix here). And just some kind of ultimate incarnation level OPness stuff can fix the Priest (temporarily).

So, we can finally conclude that not more 7/7 bodies or other similarly OP cards are needed in this game to fix the Priest let alone the game, but that we need to bring back the Yin into the Yang that is the Standard format. But not for every class - that would be too much Yin – just for the one that really needs it: The Priest. This is the only way to fix the Priest.


Now behold and gaze at the awesomeness that is this downright outrageously good card re-design of Purify! (It actually even is an awesome anti-aggro card)

low

WOW you have too much time on your hands. However, I want to see the Brode tokens, what do they do?

I shall deliver:

I am digging out this thread from the Stone Age as a reminder to all fellow Priest players. Appreciate that the class doesn't suck right now and rejoice in the fact that we have left these dark Purify and "turn 2: self heal + emote" times...