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72% wr Butthurt Druid (kazoo update)

  • Last updated Jun 19, 2017 (Un'Goro Launch)
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  • 15 Minions
  • 15 Spells
  • Deck Type: Ranked Deck
  • Deck Archetype: Ramp Druid
  • Crafting Cost: 11400
  • Dust Needed: Loading Collection
  • Created: 6/4/2017 (Un'Goro Launch)
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Hey it's your boy Daniel(baby dick)Schwartz22. Here with my own fun little version of ramp druid, which has been performing surprisingly well for me. Normally I fucking hate ramp druid, it never hits right, it's always one card behind on tempo, there's to many fucking mana generators and not enough stuff to play, Its infuriating. Though I have finally found a version that works for me. 

So What is ramp druid? Well you basically fill your mana bar to ten man by turn 5 and just start dropping bombs, and how do you get there? Well with a lot of fucking spells and bs. So as a change of pace from the traditional build, I dropped the gimmicky deathlord deathwing nonsense, in favor of arcane giants, who have been massively overlooked for this deck archetype. I mean playing two of these things turn 5-6 is a major threat to a lot of decks and even aggro decks gotta slow down for a second, take off their shoes and start counting backwards to be certain that you can; yes. In fact kill them the next turn. Also earthen scales fits it decently well. So standard rules

If fifty people enjoy the deck and take the second of effort required to press the green plus sign, i will do a mulligan guide

If 100 people put some love it, I will do a general guide. Hope you guys enjoy the deck

Hearthpwn is reporting

If you noticed the new wr feature on the site, it is featuring this deck at a 78.6 percent winrate, which my word you fuckers are better than me it seems. You took my winrate and crushed it, and I am so god damn proud i wanna die. keep fucking em up boys

An idiots guide to ramping

A few people I have seen playing this deck have gone for the very dumb play, of playing nourish on 5 mana, and using it to draw cards. No you fucking moron! no! Almost always turn 5 or mana 5 nourish is going to be for the two mana crystals. If you get the two mana crystals, you are two mana ahead meaning almost everytime you make this play, your next turn is a 7 or 8 mana turn. This decks whole point is to have more manas than your opponent for as many turns as possible. So do that. This next section is really just meant for my eyes only, so you can keep reading but im not pulling any punches. (For Fuck sake the things I see people do in this fucking game and then come to me telling me that my fucking deck sucks, what the actual horse fuck is with this! You have no six mana plays, why on gods green dick would you draw cards!!!! Did you think there were cookies under those three cards? did you think there was some game breaking play in there? Why Why WHY WHY. ITS FUCKING RAMP DRUID OH MY GOD THEY HERO POWERED TURN 2 INSTEAD OF WILD GROWTH!!!!!! WHY IS MY LIFE!?!?!?)

Mulligan Guide

Mulliganing with ramp druid is a fairly straight forward task. Against slower control decks you are gonna wanna just be looking for mana ramping. an opening hand that has wild growth, jade blossom, and nourish, is gonna be fairly useful, the cards you draw in between those ramps should be good enough to play once you hit 8 - 9 mana. Against more aggressive decks mire keeper, swipe, wrath, and innervates are more desirable as they will help you beat off the aggressive decks. Barnes can be a great card to keep as well, since you can pull a 1/1 ysera, or yshaarj and just hit value city. That being said, if I have good mana ramp, and happen to have yshaarj in my hand, I will keep him. He is kinda the center piece of the deck so being able to plop him down turn six is usually a game changer. Hope this short and simple fucking guide was informative enough for every fucking one, I tried to keep it nice and fucking sterile for all the people who found my cock gargling rambling to be too distracting, so I just do these fucking rants at the end now for anyone who is still fucking reading. I would really hate for some people to have to read an extra two or three words a fucking sentence. it might hurt their fucking eyes, and then how would i ever live with the guilt. I wouldn't that's how, i just care so much about people and what they fucking think!!! and Feel!!!! Honestly can I be nominated for sainthood, I feel like I have fucking earned that. 

 General guide

Before we jump I would just like you all to go ahead and read the portion of the guide related to ramping for idiots. As I will not really be covering ramping in this guide, as I feel it's a straight forward concept. That being said lets jump in. The match up everyone is always dying to know about is aggro, so we'll start with that. 

The aggro match up is a fucking shit show of your luck vs your opponents luck, and what our deck tries to do, is just get to a place where the aggro is no longer a concern. If you read the mulligan guide, you know wrath, and swipe are, our only hard removal spells, so these play a special level of importance in this match up. Against pirates, swipe can easily deal with some bigger threats like frothing beserker, against shaman our little buddy wrath helps us deal with annoying totems like primalfin, flametongue and manatide. Against paladin, it's all about waiting for that raidleader to hit the board, and just shitting on that plan. Efficiently and effectively using these spells are the key to beating aggro, but lets say you are just having a rooster cock of a day and you really can't get any of those spells. That's absolutely fine, cause we can still ramp superhard into primordial drakes and bog creepers to oppress the peasant class that is aggro. See health as a resource in this deck is important, and you need to constantly be asking yourself if you can be killed next turn, and using your hero power for that crucial one armor as often as possible. The beauty of this deck against aggro is when you do plop down an arcane giant, or a deathwing via anaconda, and can gain 13 or even 27 armor in one move, which against any aggro deck is going to just shit all over their plan. Aggro commonly falls apart if it cannot close the game before a deck with health generation hits its health generation. With this in mind the sense of urgency once you hit that point is greatly minimized. Another thing to be said about this deck vs aggro, is once you have finally started playing your big ass cock sucking minions, you really just have to go space marine orc on them and just hit face. Once you drop your arcane giant or rage unbound, you have lethal in 3-4 turns, and a lot of decks are going to change their focus real quick or just get smorc'd. now against aggro sometimes we are gonna need to get a little desperate to pull out of a bad situation and buy ourselves time, this is when you wanna use your earthen scales a little more liberally and same goes for moonglade portal. Another option in this deck that helps with the match up are barnes and mire keeper, mire keeper can generate a friend instead of mana which can help you pick off badies in the early game, and barnes can open up a world of nonsense, or do absolutely nothing, kind of the shit part about this card, but he's won me more games than he's lost so I stand by him. I hope this helps some of you in your troubles with the fucking cancer that is aggro right now, and helps clarify some of the assertions that this deck fucking sucks. I think it's really cute when people just claim it's the deck that sucks. Human error seemingly crosses few peoples minds when it comes to how a deck is performing, and while that is a staple of the human condition (see cognitive dissonance), it's sometimes nice to take a step back take a deep breath and shout I CANT PLAY THIS FUCKING DECK RIGHT, AND ITS NOBODIES FAULT BUT RNG AND MAYBE MY OWN FAULT. If you spend your whole life blaming circumstance for your position on the ladder or in life, youll really just find yourself spinning your wheels. 

Happy stomping my ramp druids, anti control guide coming soon. 

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