Hearthpwn

So this is my version of the lesser played but immensely fun silence priest. Which can with some consistency just slam face so hard your opponents butt's fall off.

Now I have looked around a lot and I have seen all these versions of this deck that are just so inefficient, playing pay to win cards like Lyra and Medivh to like create a whole new option, but heres the real fucking scoop. If you cant win with a 32/32 turn 4, all that other stuff. It's not gonna fucking save you. Plus those decks love to just play around with techy nonsense. Now I don't have anything against that, But tech is just so ostentatious.

So here is how you play this deck. Look for your royal flush hand That's Coin, Humongous plant, and two divine spirits, and inner fire, draw into a silence. If unanswered you win. And laugh, like seriously i laugh my ass off every time this happens and it is really not that hard to do.

Other acceptable fun time options! Make a really healthy acolyte of pain, and draw until he can otk the board. Healthy northshire clerics are also acceptable. Use your faceless shamblers to hide behind the biggest butt's in the World. Use potions of madness to remove all of your stupid aggro opponents early game options. The possibilities are endless!

Standard Rules

25 upvotes gets you guys a more indepth mulligan guide

50 upvotes gets you a general guide on playing this deck

100 stupid fucking green arrows gets you an expanded guide, and every 25 upvotes after that gets class guides.

Happy healing my lovely little priests. Go and agitate the meta with our soon to be called "no skill" deck.

By my fucking beard!

So I went to work for 4 hours, came back and this thing had fucking exploded like I could not possibly believe. Can I feel the love tonight? You best fucking believe it. So instead of making every separate reward we're gonna go through the ins and outs of this deck. Also I'll be throwing up a Q and A section later as those are my favorite to write (mostly cause i get to talk mad shit and make fun of questions as though they are really dumb {even though most are valid}) So let's dive in.

Mulligan's based on match up

So while the meta has been evolving and deck types are sort of diversifying more and more as people realize where the hidden op cards are. We still have a pretty clear cut view of what we will be playing against based on the class we are facing.

Aggro Classes

Hunters, warlocks, and occasionally paladins, and 50 percent of the time warrior, finally druid, are typically gonna call for an anti aggro plan. So what is this deck's anti aggro plan. Well it's basically we are gonna out aggro the aggro. We're looking to get our ancient watchers and our humongous plants out as quick as we can to start dealing with their on board threats; we shouldn't lose sight of sustainability. There is also the question of adaptations and poisonous minions or really good death rattle minions like kindly grandmother, so in these situations I will also keep a silence without humongous or ancient. This allows me to mitigate their damage buffing effects and buy me crucial turns I need to set up an otk or build a problematic minion such as a 6/6 acolyte of pain. Against pirate warriors we should be able to hold our own just giving them high level threats to fear. This and a nice sized faceless will just let us have a lot of fun. If all else fails, keep your draw cards and hope for the fucking best, but at this point we are in trouble.

Against control

Now freeze mage or any mage including iceblock are not our friends at all, and if they draw into it we are in major trouble as our otk will be countered and mitigated by the time our next turn rolls around, so it's crucial in this match up just to be slamming face as much as you can with as much force as you can. So like playing against aggro we are really looking for a silence-able minion right out the gate. Beyond that other control decks we can take our time against. We should focus on draw cards and draw effects to increase our options. the amount of silence in this deck allows us to easily deal with a lot of their end game threats with little to no hassle. I often find myself staring down a ysera and just paying zero mana to make it fucking useless, and then I laugh cause I countered a nine mana play for zero mana. Taunt warrior we need a little more fear of but once again the silence and early game aggro style of play will do that in as well. The other big player we really need to be worried about besides the mirror match, is obviously this new control paladin. Their ability to generate absurd taunt minions with stonehill defenders is a major issue, and honestly unless my draws are on point this is always an uphill battle. So if you find yourself losing against them, it's got nothing to do with you and something to do with it just being a shit matchup for us right now.

Piloting The Deck

Now when you look at this decklist you might be thinking "what the fuck is all these cards and how the fuck does this make a viable deck?" You know what, I look at this decklist myself and say the same fucking thing sometimes, because you look at all the cards and you think "There is no way this collection of nonsense wins games". The sad truth is though, this was just one of the hidden op decks.

Starting off our games, if we have safe room to do so, or we have the coin we wanna go ahead and try to get out a northshire cleric that can survive long enough to draw us a couple cards. we also have the wonderful turn two play that is radiant elemental plus power word shield, and it's truly a beautiful play. We're using our early game to give us draw potential or some way to answer the weaker minions of our opponents. So against hunter a really great card in the deck is potion of madness, as this allows us to use their minions to kill their minions. Keeping our board clear, giving us crucial extra turns to finish up the game. All of these strategies make incredibly viable starts. Failing these a purified ancient watcher is never a bad thing either.

Now if we have been playing properly we are now moving into our mid game with a decent health pool and can begin setting up to finish out the game. Now you might be saying "But it's only turn five how can I be finishing up a game?". Well number one dumb dumb I have finished out games with this deck on turn four with a 32/32 razorleaf so calm your existential tits. At this point in the game we should either be digging for or already have on board one of the silence minions that are gonna change our game. We might also have a faceless shambler that is just gonna protect us til the end. If we do not have one of our silence minions it's time to get creative. Remember that 6/6 acolyte I keep bringing up. This is a great play for a shitty midgame as it gives us draw potential and if we can dove tail into a northshire we're drawing two cards in one turn for three mana, while generating threats. it's also at this point in the game that if we haven't used our shadow visions in desperation we are gonna be using them to piece together either survival or our finishing blow. If we need to survive grabbing silences to deal with buffed or minions with powerful effects is not a bad move. If we are in a good spot start snatching up those divine spirits and inner fires to put the final punch into your opponents face. Do this and you shouldnt even have to worry about late game.

So if you are reading this part, you must be making it to late game a lot and that is not a huge problem, but it's at this point we really are trying outplay our opponent (fyi if you made it to end game and have no minions on board, with no chance of improvement in sight it might be time to concede). Now making it to late game will not necessarily spell a loss for you. Though it's decreasing our chances. At this point we really do need to end the game in one thrust and that should be your goal here. Make sure to give your opponent dummy targets like northshires and acolytes to keep your razorleaf healthy. AT this point you are looking to make a one shot kill razorleaf that is unanswered (so you may need a silence or songstealer in hand to sneak past their desperation taunt minion). Once again if we can help it we're not gonna be playing the match this long but if we are at this point, everymove you make has to be spot on.

Desperation Plays

Now with a deck like this we are looking for a specific combo, we wanna silence our "cant attack" minions and then attack with them. The issue with this is sometimes just sometimes we can't silence them. Fret not we have faceless shambler, it's perfectly acceptable in desperation to make a 4/16 faceless shambler just to save you some pain. You might even be able to turn it into lethal damage the next turn. Saving a potion of madness can also give you that clutch win such as robbing a 2/6 or 2/7 minion from taunt warrior to make your final face rush. Sometimes with this deck you need to get really creative and plan really far ahead.

Deck Philosophy

This is an all in deck friends. When you make your move that is it. Sometimes you can re-establish, but when you make your move to finish the game you are basically saying this is the best chance I have at finishing out the game. So don't waste your powerful combos just trying to stay alive. There really is no endgame finisher in this deck besides the pure synergy of making an over powered minion. The late game of this deck is garbage and we should avoid it if we can. If you lose on an all in play, there's a good chance you were playing against your odds from the start. So don't take those all in failures as a mark of personal failure. Know that this was just not your game and you can definitely improve the next time around. Good luck and may the heart of the cards be with you scrubs

The shift in meta

This deck is still as viable as the day I crafted it, but as some of you may have noticed the meta is catching on to our not so sneaky tricks, and so those of us who are still playing aggressively need to shift our focus. So help you deal with the influx of aggro I bring to you the aggro breaking deck I promised a week ago.

http://www.hearthpwn.com/decks/833933-75-win-rate-controlled-evolution

Questions and Answers

Q. Is there room for lyara? You know cause I really like that cards animations and voice actor and that dragged out shit never gets fucking old.

A. Look you can replace any card in this deck with any card you want, this is the list that i run. If you wanna replace every card in the deck with a fucking 1/1 that costs 5 mana that doesn't actually exist, then by all means have it. You are more than welcome to experiment with whatever you want.

Q. Are the radiant elemental really necessary considering you are not running the spell factory?

A. I ask myself this same fucking question every time I see a mage deck list and see sorcerer's apprentice, like going into the decklist I know it's gonna be there, I know I am always gonna think the spot coulda be better used, but I am always just gonna run the apprentice cause it does fun stuff for me. Same goes for Radiant Elemental, but I have played it without them and it seems to be about the same experience.

Q. This deck has infested the ladder, and I fucking hate you and your fucking guides, you degenarate cock sucker, whom gives oral sex for money in porto potties at national forest preserves.

A. Ok number one that is a lot of anger and hate, and conjecture. Also that is not a question. This is one of my favorite things to see though. So you mean to tell me the deck works...and a lot of people are playing it? And that bothers you? I am not even a hundred percent sure what to do with this information. Like see I hear someone say "This deck is everywhere like horseshit" and I personally think "Oh ok so when i build my deck I have to take into account I am going to see this priest deck a lot, so I have to have a plan to counter it, that way I can win more games and have a good Win Rate instead of BITCHING like a fucking beta male.!" That's just me though. Look if you are playing against the same deck 3 out of every 5 games, Why are you not consistently winning those 3 outta five games? Because you didn't build to counter it, that's really got nothing to do with me, and any amount of venom you spew in my face is not gonna change that. So we cool bro?

Ramp druid is back in a big way baby!

http://www.hearthpwn.com/decks/845650-69-wr-butthurt-druid