Hearthpwn

Hello and welcome to what I am calling "The Wallet Smasher." Now, what exactly is this smasher of wallets and what does it do? Well, dear reader, sit on down and get ready to pay out to a small indie company that thinks you cannot handle over 10 deck slots!

Here is the basic list:
1x (1) Dark Pact
1x (1) Kobold Librarian
1x (1) Mortal Coil
1x (2) Corrupting Mist
1x (2) Curse of Weakness
1x (2) Dark Peddler
1x (2) Defile
1x (2) Doomsayer
1x (2) Gnomeferatu
1x (3) Demonwrath
1x (3) Shadow Bolt
1x (3) Stonehill Defender
1x (4) Hellfire
1x (4) Lesser Amethyst Spellstone
1x (4) Spellbreaker
1x (4) Voidcaller
1x (5) Despicable Dreadlord
1x (5) Sludge Belcher
1x (6) Emperor Thaurissan
1x (6) Reno Jackson
1x (6) Rin, the First Disciple
1x (6) Siphon Soul
1x (6) Sylvanas Windrunner
1x (8) Ragnaros the Firelord
1x (8) The Lich King
1x (8) Twisting Nether
1x (9) Mal'Ganis
1x (9) Voidlord
1x (10) Bloodreaver Gul'dan
1x (10) N'Zoth, the Corruptor

Now, you might be asking yourself, "but isn't that just a Renolock, but really shitty and filled with legendaries that do not help the win condition?" and you are totally fair in asking that. You see, sometimes in this game, you just have to say "screw everyone, especially me!" and flash some of those Blizzard fun bucks and that is what this deck does. The idea of this deck is not so much to win through a good game plan or good strategy, but rather to shove so much cash down your opponent's throat that they concede from the majesty. With this in mind, let us get to the game plan.

The deck plays like your classic Renolock. You try to keep those pesky aggro kiddies suppressed with board clears, laughing as you heal back to full when you are at 1HP, and then board clear them again. But, then, why the legendaries?! Well, that is for your control matchups, dear boy!

Kingsbane Rogue got you down? Flash your cash and show them who the real thief of value is!

Cubelocks have resurfaced? Show them the meaning of value when you throw up your own Void Lord protecting 5 pay-to-lose minions!

Taunt Druids pissing you the hell off? Throw out your own Lich King and give them an identity crisis!

Fun for the whole family! NOTE: Only fun if you enjoy losing a lot. Consult your doctor if you develop salt in your veins as this may be a sign of a life-threatening condition known as Veganitis Krippercoctus and should be treated immediately with 20ccs of Face Hunter.


Matchups:

Aggro - You know what aggro loves? Board clears! Oh, and taunts. They really love those. Play tons of those. They will be so happy, they will explode with joy. The key cards in these matchups are Defile, Doomsayer, Stonehill Defender, and Hellfire (with bonus points if Lesser Amethyst Spellstone is in your hand when you play it). We all know face is the place, but you want to make their face explode, silly, not yours. Control the game as best as you can, holding out until you can play Reno Jackson, BUT do not and I mean NOT play Reno when you are just going to die anyway or lose too much tempo as you will just lose all that health again. Board clears and healing from the spellstone come before Reno in priority. If you can keep the board somewhat under control by turn 8/9, you pretty much have won. Just stay calm and let your giant wallet guide you.

Control - Ohhhh boy. Here we goooo. Well, it seems you have found yourself against a control deck. The first step is to realize you are probably going to get totally shit on. Like, not in the normal sense even. It will be a slow, brutal shitting where you are taken on a trip to wonderland of shit. The key is, this shit is shiny. Shiny as a legendary.

But what is the actual game plan here? Well, you need to outvalue your opponent, something this deck does very, very well given it is LEGENDARY PACKED. The biggest struggle is trying to get the most value you can. This is where the finesse comes in. Do not. I repeat. DO NOT over commit. Do not spew 4 legendaries on the board and expect them to just stick. No, you need to weave in the value. If you have, say, a Emperor Thaurissan on the board and there are no minions your opponent can trade into it, he WILL bait hard removal. Do not sweeten the deal with another big fat value card to bait a board clear. You WILL lose. As always, you have to know when to start going face and it usually is when you have a taunt up and your hand is getting near empty (remember to weave in LIFE TAPS!). This makes everyone have a fun and interactive time.

Combo - So, I hear you want to beat a combo deck, like Exodia Mage. Well, remember when I said face was the place? Well, it is the only place. The only place you should be going. Go face hard and go face fast. You may have insane value, but Blizzard loves fun and interactive gameplay more than everything else (and nothing is more interactive than Shudderwock or infinite Fireball blasts to the face, so you need to make the big bad combo player go away. Make him explode and go think about what he has done.

Oh, and Rin, the First Disciple is there as a back up against grinder decks like Elemental Mage, but NO NOT rely on her. She is slow. REALLY SLOW. REALLY REALLY REALLLY REALLLLLLLY SLOW, so be sure to be in a state where you will not just die to a face race before you begin playing seals. I have won more than a few games to Dark Pact + Rin + spam seals to decks like Grinder Mage that sit there dumbfounded as the clock ticks down. Do it. It is funny.

Special note for Toggwaggle Druid - This is...weird. It is the same basic strategy of face + Rin, but keep your hand size SMALL to prevent the typical Naturalize combo to mill the Ransom Note. They have no other win condition other than fatigue, so if they can never mill you, you will just win. Tell them to take their candle back!

Now, get out there and flash that cash, big boy! Show them the power of a big....wallet!

PS. I am completely free-to-play and have been since starting pre-Naxx. Yes, I have this deck. Yes, it is real. Yes, it is really shitty. You can indeed play this game f2p. It just takes some time and a bit of arena. Join me on my journey to getting a 30 legendary deck that can actually win together completely f2p. It is a wild (pun intended) ride! :^)