Hearthpwn

So this is my favorite Taunt warrior build, and it's pretty much the easiest control deck ever played, you can consistently smash other decks up with this deck. I will show you how too. 

Feel free to ask your questions below as well. I am around. 

300th Comment Reward!!!!!!!!!

So as a show of gratitude for what has mostly been support on this board! I am doing something special. Very few of you will know that I am a tattoo apprentice currently. Now most of you will know that. Cause I just told you. Anyways, whoever has comment three hundred go ahead and put what you want me to tattoo on my body in that comment and I will absolutely deliver. I will do it the same day! Now considering how much hate is on this fucking board at times, I am assuming im gonna have to tattoo a dick on myself. But if you white knights out there could save me from that I would appreciate that immensely. Have a beautiful day!

 Update Mulligan Guide: So looks like you guys finally made it to ten upvotes, which means it's time for the fucking mulligan guide. Mulliganing with this deck is super basic and there's really only a few cards you want in your opening hand, the cards that really just make it so you have the smoothest start you can. First of all you have Fire Plume's Heart, Keep this card in your hand and don't give it away regardless of what stupid idea you think you just had. Honestly if that had to be explained to you it's best if you just stop playing the game all together.

Next great card to keep is Fiery War Axe, This is just that nice turn two card that just gives you so much room to maneuver, there's really no reason you shouldn't understand why this is one of your best turn two plays.

A shittier turn two card to keep is Armorsmith, just because she does give you armor to kill cats, and if you end up with some sort of combo she can pull her own weight. 

Now your turn three play is your defining moment with this deck so it's good to make sure you brought the right turn three card for your match up. 

Ravaging Ghoul Is the first guy that come to mind, His ability to control the smaller dorks of some of your more aggressive decks, his synergy with bloodhoof and armorsmith and exectute are also worth noting, just a great guy all around

Stonehill Defender and Tar Creeper are both also very strong turn three plays. Stonehill Defender is a shit tier taunt minion, but his effect precipitates the completion of your quest, so he's not really a guy you can turn your nose up at. The Tar creeper should come as no surprise cause honestly people have been sucking this cards dick since they realized it was a kinda better but also kinda worse Senjin Shieldmasta

Now you are pretty sure you are going up against a control deck you definitely wanna give some extra credibility to your draw cards like Shield Block and Slam, and against some deck keeping a Brawl isn't the worst decision, but these are more class related and can come at a later date. 

Update 4/18

So you kiddies finally made it to 25, love it! Now I am going to try to be as thorough as I can without spoiling the amazeballs class by class guide. 

Overview

This is taunt and quest warrior. This is not the deck you play when you wanna pump out a quick game during your lunch break at work. This is not the deck you play while idly masturbating between turns. This is a deck that requires you to adapt how you play based on what your opponent is doing. You should be checking what they are holding, how long they have been holding it. Are they hovering over that card everytime you swing the board in your favor? or is it just a dead draw that they don't know what to do with? This above all other things with this deck, and control decks in general should be your priority, trying to out maneuver your opponent, and if you have to go to fatigue...fucking do it!

Early game: This is where you are going to be establishing your board control or forming a plan to achieve it. Obviously most of the time your turn one play is going to be Fire Plume's Heart, But there are times when that might not be your best move. If you are playing against a more aggressive deck, and you dont really have any good moves further down the road, you can save that card for later, and coin out an armor smith or war axe. Now against control decks you will want to start building your armor, and drawing cards, This is one use for Slam in the deck, and same goes for armor up. You can also use this part of the game to use that armor to throw weak shield slams to deal with annoying early game issues that are costing you too much health. Ultimately you want to try and build your quest counter, but don't lose sight of the fact that this is not an easy win, you gotta out play your opponent at every stage of the game, and the early stage can be one of the tougher parts for less experienced players. 

 Mid Game: Now is when we start dropping our taunt minions consistently, trying to still control our board (if it's gotten completely out of control, hope you got a brawl). Now this is the part of the game where ideally you are in a position or at least have a plan to get to the end of the quest. But you also wanna be disrupting obvious combo's in the making especially against priests and rogues. It't tempting to think that you will be safe behind your army of taunt minions, but there's a lot ways to get through your wall now, so don't ever think your safe. You will wanna have a back up plan somewhere in your hand (keep in mind if your first plan completely falls apart, your game is already in a bad position). Bascially stay alive, and keep their combos from coming together, and you will get to the part of the game where you shine, the end game.

End Game:  So now we wanna go ahead and start figuring out how to finish up our game. The answer is obviously our quest. At this point in the game you should have enough control and have fatigued them to the point where your hero power is mostly unanswerable (even though on it's own the only answer really is to kill you before you hit that button more than twice). You wanna ideally trigger your quest, and play the weapon all in the same turn, if you can slam some extra armor on, or an extra card into that turn, even better. At the point at which you complete your quest and actually play the reward, it's all a matter of staying alive and trying to get that hero power to hit face every turn. Even in a tight spot, the combination of a 4/2 weapon and a random 8 damage is enough to swing things in your favor. If you are hitting your quest and losing, chances are you did something wrong, or you just had really shit draws all game. This is a thing that happens, if the game was completely skill based I don't think it would be as much fun. So if you hit a patch of bad losses, remember even the pro's have those bad match ups and shit hands. It happens in every card game. 

 

FAQ

Q: Why no Dirty Rat? I think Dirty Rat is the new op. I suck Dirty Rat cock all day behind kmart and I fucking love it.

A. Well I guess a person for every fetish but in all reality I am being over dramatic, no one said the part about sucking that cards cock. What did happen though was a lot of people seemed to be big fans of this card and kept asking why I didn't include it in my list. Personally I think the card is good, and it has its time and place that just make it seem completely broken. It also has times and places where it just shit's out a highmane for my opponent or some arbitrary legendary they were running, and then I basically paid to get raped by my opponent. Tl;DR VERSION. I have shit luck, so I don't play this rng card, Rnjesus is not on my side. Nationwide on the other hand is. 

 Q. Is Ornery Direhorn really a better choice than Direhorn Hatchling? 

A. Well this is an interesting one. This comes down to how you view making your deck thicker. See when I look at a deck list I am looking at just that. The deck list. I know what my odds of drawing any card are at any point in the game. If I have ten cards left in my deck and 2 brawls I have a 1/5 chance of drawing into that needed brawl. If my hatchling pops, Now I have a lower probability of drawing that brawl, and chances are if I really needed that brawl the body hatchling provided me will not be enough to save my life if I draw into it. See that's the thing though, The body it gives you is decent, and as a mid game draw it is a great card, and has a lot of potential for use in the late game too. Personally I would rather not thicken my deck. If this is something you feel is a better choice for you, I say go for it. There really is no reason you couldnt run one of both, or switch them out interchangeably. I think if you find yourself going to fatigue a lot I do think that the Direhorn Hatchling is the better choice though

Q. You should really never get rid of Fire Plumes Heart?

A. Guys I am being serious this is the best fucking question you put up so far. The answer is in general yes, you should never get rid of it. Even against hunters and other really aggressive decks? Ok look if your opening hand is absolute shit tier like you got Fire Plumes, execute, execute, and primordial...yeah ok maybe against a hunter or an aggro deck I am afraid might get out of control, I will throw this card away just for the extra chance of getting something to keep me alive. I also hate making this play, because if you out sustain your enemy, but cannot finish with what you have, you really will find yourself running out of steam even against an aggro deck, unless you are getting amazing rips from Stonehill Defender. It also makes a late game draw into the quest an absolute dead card, unless you have been managing some way of having seven taunter's at that stage of the game. So overall I think there are times when you can throw it away, I think I have also seen that work out, I just don't think Ive seen it swing the match up in such a way that is statistically significant. 

Update 4/19

So you guys made it up to the reading an opponent guide. Love it, I have wanted to do one of these for awhile. 

Reading an opponents plays

Being able to read what your opponent is planning is one of the most beautiful ways to get ahead with a control deck like this. Now I played a shit ton of poker in college, and read all of Mike Caro's books on reading opponents, I took classes on interpersonal communication and read the works of Janine Driver, and Paul Eckman on the topics of communication. And hearthstone has provided us with this lovely tool, where we can what our opponent are hovering over, and this gives us a shit tone of info on what our opponent is planning. 

Now take for example priest, you are playing aggro and he did not mulligan his first card, but mulliganed his other two. You have developed a frightening board by turn three cause you are drawing fire. turn four you see him hover over that card he kept for a long while, he does some bs that isnt gonna help him and ends. he's still hovering over that card. Now you could go ham and develop even more, but as it stands you are still winning the war. Should you develop your board more to close in for a quick win? Well this is where being able to read that card comes into play. Now I am willing to bet that is a tough to deal with taunt minion, something that is gonna help him swing this game like a board wipe of some kind. So At this point maybe I preserve what I have in my hand til next turn. Maybe i do this and i see him still holding back that card. Should I develop? Well yes and no, Now what he is holding might be something completely different but we are coming up on turn six and maybe that's a dragonfire potion. 

At every stage of the game you should be considering why a player is observing his cards, and how long, how frequently. As well you should never be hovering over your cards. You should know what your fucking cards do...ffs you been playing this game how long? granted every deck and meta has a learning curve, so obviously read your cards if you have to, but ideally try to not telegraph stuff like that. If you are playing against an aggro opponent and they are dumping cards, consider if they are going all in or if they are betting you dont have crowd control. If they are gambling on a sweep then you can hold off to get more value out of your aoe spells or other mass kill options.

So ask yourself every time your opponent accidentally tells you something....why the fuck and what the fuck is this dumb dumb trying to tell me?

Update 4/20

Holy shit, I went to sleep for five fucking hour and this jumped 60 points! The fuck is this website. Sorry a lot to deal with. Well as promised I will be doing a class by class break down and trying to explain your best chances. Be forewarned some of these class by class guides are gonna tell you the truth. The truth is you are basically fucked against some classes. First though a quick question and answer, because I keep seeing this "questions", and I would like to get it out of the way. 

Q. I play a different version of this deck, and I do much better than this version, so your version sucks!

A. Ok number one that is not a question, notice the lack of question marks. Even with a question mark your sentence and punctuation agreement would still be confusing af. Anywho, you played a different version and it worked for you. Great! I am super happy, I hope you get to legend with it. I didn't post this thinking this was the best conceivable list out there, I put this out there to say "this is what is working for me, maybe it will work for you". One guy claims he hit legend with this deck, another said he did the same by modifying three cards in the deck. Playing this list doesnt mean you can't take some owner ship of the deck. In all reality a lot of people probably have a similar deck, and they prefer theres. My version is just a nice skeleton you can wear around to get used to the idea of the deck, maybe even stomp some face with it. 

Q. This is not a control deck.

A. Ok once again not a question. I think this is a control deck, any argument as to what kind of deck it actually is, seems to be a matter of opinion and therefore is a facile and frivolous fucking argument; meant to be had by beta males in a coffee shop somewhere next to one of those massage places that has underage asian women tugging off obese men. 

Moving into my class guide. It will not all be up at once but  I will try to go ahead and get through the big question ones as quickly as I can. 

General match up guide

Because of this decks general composition and the state of the meta, keep in mind almost every game of hearhtstone that doesnt favor you is really going to be coming down to a coin flip. Your goal while playing the game is to manipulate the flip of that coin to favor you however you can. Lots of variables effect that cunt of a coin though. How good your opening is, is that opening good enough for their opening? Can you make better trades, can you force them to make worse trades? Are they experienced with their deck, are you experienced with your deck? Even with all this in mind, sometimes you are just gonna get fucked. 

Quest Rogue

As I write this I am actually doing fairly well against quest rogue, but I do find I am getting lucky or they are getting unlucky, or they are just making bone head moves.

So for those of you who don't know quest rogue is this brilliant deck blizzard shoved down our throats where that bounce mechanic rogue has had since beta, finally gets to do something. When they trigger their quest by playing that same minion four times, all their minions become 5/5's and for some reason that is really hard for a lot of you to deal with.

Now the deck is strong because they have this army of 1 mana 1/1's that become 5/5's and about 6 - 8 of those minions have charge, so theoretically they can be lethal by turn 5 or six. So here's why that deck sucks, because only theoretically can they be lethal by turn 6, fact is you got til turn 7 most of the time.

As I have played a ton of this rogue deck trying to make it less flippy-floppy, I realized very early on you gotta get the right combo of cards to make this deck work, and you gotta sequence perfectly everytime, to get that crystal core operational and lethal all in the same move. Even finishing your quest comes down to your opponent not being able to fucking answer your stupid trampoline of minions.

So how do you as a taunt warrior deal with this? Well number one, dont panic you idiot, chances are their hand is shit, and if you have a sub par hand or a good number of draw cards you can do fine.  Second you are gonna need to be developing a strategy to outlast them should they hit their crystal core, or building enough bodies that you can deal with their bouncing charge minions. Or ideally just finish your quest and make them fight uphill against you. 

See the rogue has to hit that quest to do anything, until they hit that quest, you can pretty much do whatever you want. Build armor, stack cards, dig for a brawl, build your own quest, just keep doing those things while they spend their first turns doing nothing and you will already be in a better position. 

Once that fucking stupid rogue hits is quest, she's gonna dump her hand faster than my ex-gf dumped my credit score. So just play a brawl. 

Tl;dr Are you aware of how much work goes into quest rogue actually being lethal? are you aware of how lucky and skilled that player has to get to really be a mid game threat that can't be dealt with? Can you even statistics? Calm down and out play that idiot. 

Other Write Deck Guides I am Working On

So hey if you guys like my guides, and want me to continue writing them. I am more than happy to cover other decks i am having pretty good success with in the meta right now. I will also be posting a completely reformatted write up of this version of the deck in the future. So that will be fucking exciting won't it? Anyways thanks for all the support from you guys who think these are just my guide was the bee's knees. To all the people who find me "annoying", "try-hard", "bad attitude"...I am sorry that's how I come across, but I like myself so...yeah didn't really ask for your approval. Thanks for telling I didn't earn it though. 

http://www.hearthpwn.com/decks/804999-murlocadin-reborn

http://www.hearthpwn.com/decks/816970-80-wr-miracle-rogue

Now for some more Q and A

Q. This guide is A M A Z I N G?

A.  Just to clarify, ending a sentence with a question mark does not automatically make it a question. I feel like I am having to clarify this a lot. 

4/25  Time for another fucking Q and A. I am going to be answering several questions and they all have to do with playing against specific classes and archetypes. 

Q. How do I play against aggro, I keep getting shit stomped by them even when I combo perfectly?

A.Holy Shit son is that a lot of needless fucking information! Ok so I need to back track a little with you guys. In the beginning I did not fully understand that this guide was gonna go up so high so I did offer a shit tier advice in the form of a joke. This being that you should always keep your quest. Now the meta has fucking spoken and said that you can throw away this card against aggro cause they fucking stomp your face. I disagree, But anyone who disagrees with that point will never not disagree so It's moot. First off the thing you can do against this match up is mull your quest if you really want to, for the chance of a better survivability card against this opponent. Second, If all you are facing is aggro, you are going to have a bad time.

Now fighting aggro comes down to smart trades, and whether or not you are making them when you need to make the. If your hunter opponent plays his hyena, and the only way you have to deal with it is slam, well you gotta suck it up and play the slam. It sucks no one likes it but there. Also the building armor strategy is out, so fuck the armor card, with the exception of armor smith, cause she can at least kill bats and cats. Your fiery war axe, keep it, and use it to deal with weak threats, don't go diving face first into a 5 atk minion, your gonna lose 11 health next turn, why are you giving them an extra five for free? the axe is to deal with cats, bats, hyenas, and the spawn of highmanes, in reference to warlock and druid, I think its pretty obvious the axe just kills things before they become a problem. your early game taunt minions, keep the when you get stonehill defender, get the best defender you can for the situation, if they all suck get the one you can play next turn or the one with most health. Taunt minions equal more health basically. It's your third health pool behind yoru fucking armor which is now useless and your actual health which is even more fucking useless. Try to set up situations where you are killing multiple threats in one move like ravaging ghoul. You wanna know what the real issue vs aggro can be though?

See the reason aggro fucking works is, if aggro pulls the perfect hand, or even a semi perfect hand, you are not really kitted to deal with that. You are not kitted to deal with the perfect aggro opener. In all reality no deck in the history of this game is completely kitted to defeat aggro. You wanna know how that is a fact?! Cause aggro has always been an archetype, even when big daddy blizzard came out and said "we're gonna nerf aggro", it still ended up being viable as fuck. So sometimes you just gotta take your stupid fucking loss to a lucky fucking aggro. It happens, and if you let it eat you alive you are gonna go on tilt, and just fucking tank your ratio. So suck it up, accept blizzard can't balance their breakfast let alone a game, and just win your next one buddy. We all have bad games

Q. So does this deck only lose to quest rogue?

A.You know, it's basically a coin flip every time against quest rogue. If they get a chance to progress super fast. There is not a ton you can do against it. If you play ahead of them and hit your taunt drops rapidly, and keep their trampoline of minons under control you can absolutely win. If that quest rogue gets their perfect opening though, there is not a lot you can do against the. I go about 66 percent against the quest rogue and 75 percent against plant rogue. So while it's not my best match up, I know that it can lose to this deck. I also now that sometimes quest rogue is a lot to deal with, and we have to respect that. I find building armor can really help me out in this match up. I also find keeping a brawl can be useful. Anything that is giving you early game removal to try and disrupt that combo is your friend. 

300th comment reward Delivery

As promised the 300th comment got their tattoo placed on my body say hello to comrade doge

Allegations of deck no longer being viable. 

 

Really? Do you even lift bro, day one of this season people were smashing into legend with this deck. Maybe you are just playing it wrong. I will admit though that the meta is shifting and the deck needs an overhaul, this is something I am working on at the moment. I have been more focused on streamlining silence priest and if you would be interested in seeing that please do check it out.

http://www.hearthpwn.com/decks/828327-70-win-rate-silence-priest

That being said expect this deck to change in the next coming days as I play test some new ideas, that are more in line with the dumb meta as it is.

My secrets mage build

http://www.hearthpwn.com/decks/841649-78-win-rate-secrets-mage-szechuan-sauce-update

My ramp druid build

http://www.hearthpwn.com/decks/845650-69-wr-butthurt-druid